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Band 4

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. Do you agree or disagree?

#world #animals #food #products #medicines
In the contemporary world, there is a significant number of commodities made from animals like cuisine , medicines and garments ,though, nowadays a plethora of alternatives are available in the market. I partially agree with
this
 statement as a sufficient amount of nutrients can not be gained from plants ,
whereas
, it is a brutal act to kill
pet
Correct article usage
a pet
show examples
 for fashion. On the one hand, food is an elementary need of human being that provide vital nutrients to
body
Add an article
the body
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 for better immunity. Meat consists of all important vitamins, protein and fat
that
is
Verb problem
meet
show examples
 the
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
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 of the body for growth
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
vegetarian
Replace the word
vegetarianism
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 does not fulfil the need as much requirement of the body .
For example
, 75% of persons who do regular gym, workout and physical activity depend upon the chicken as protein is the main source for building and growth of muscles so it is hardly found in substitute materials for meat
such
 as green vegetables.
On the other hand
, killing and
experiment
Wrong verb form
experimenting
show examples
 on animals is a brutal act ,
therefore
, it must be banned. People who are
tycoon
Fix the agreement mistake
tycoons
show examples
 love to wear the skin of
beast
Correct article usage
the beast
show examples
 just to look
glamour
Replace the word
glamorous
show examples
 and fashionable
that is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sign of cruelty. Apart from that, after so much advancement in technology, scientist still performs an experiment on the beast .
Instead
 of
experiment
Wrong verb form
experimenting
show examples
 on
this creature
Fix the agreement mistake
these creatures
show examples
, they can replace them with computer programs that could provide significant results and
this
 is
also
 a foremost way to stop
this
.
Moreover
, several endangered species have been killed every year to make high-priced drugs and extravagant
interior
Fix the agreement mistake
interiors
show examples
 just for decoration
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 elephant ivory . To
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
,
snake's
Change noun form
snake
show examples
 poison is used in medical fields .
To conclude
,
although
creature
Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
show examples
 provide a number of food for a living still there are
alternates
Replace the word
alternatives
show examples
 that can be used
instead
 of experimentation.
Submitted by arpitsandhu001 on

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task response
The essay partially addresses the task, but it lacks depth and clarity in presenting the arguments. The ideas need to be better developed to fully respond to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay has some coherence and cohesion, but the logical structure is weak. There is a lack of clear progression between ideas and the examples provided are not well supported.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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