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Band 4.5

According to the “World Health Organization”, all international travel should end until the coronavirus has gone. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#“world #health #organization” #travel #coronavirus
In
Change preposition
On
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this
 day of the COVID-19
pandemic
, the World
Health
 Organization claims that there must have a
hault
Correct your spelling
halt
 to every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
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 of the outbound tourism. From my perspective, I completely agree with
this
 solution of
disease
Add a hyphen
disease-preventing
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preventing
Replace the word
prevention
show examples
.
To begin
 with, stopping
travel
 would conduce to the safety of each person.
Firstly
, the risk of infection might considerably be reduced by the act of forcing
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 due to the less face-to-face contact and the minor virus spread by transporting. There is no insurance that the foreign people are not infected by the viruses so it would lead to a great threat for people if the overseas
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 were continuing.
Secondly
, it
also
 involves
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 security from coronavirus if one person does not obey the rules of
travel
 forbiddance.
Hence
, the
disease
 spread
need
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needs
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 preventing by each resident as well as the whole society in order to assure
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
health
.
Besides
, the governments’ change in tourism tends to spark off some advantages.The more
health
 insurance of the citizens, the fewer burdens
weights
Replace the word
weigh
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 the authorities.
The national
Correct article usage
National
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health
 is viewed to be protected in the best term if the country produces laws to halt some or all international
travel
. According to many
researches
Change the wording
types of research
pieces of research
kinds of research
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, the countries that stop outbound
travel
such
 as Vietnam, North
Korean
Correct your spelling
Korea
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, might have
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 infected cases in
this
pandemic
.
Additionally
,
besides
the
Correct article usage
apply
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essentially saving citizens from the dangerous
viruss
Correct your spelling
virus
viruses
, the successful result of banning international flights would
also
 gain the other countries’ outlook in the
disease
 time. Notwithstanding, it is crucial for governments to halt all the
oubound
Correct your spelling
outbound
 flights
in
Change preposition
at
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 the onset of
pandemic
Add an article
a pandemic
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 but there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 a range of overseas residents or the cargo transport of essential medical, food and other supplies, which should not be stopped. All in all, there is no denying of forbidding outbound tourism in
this
 day,
nevertheless
, it is not enough to prevent the
disease
. I believe it bases on each person to be solidary to stop
this
 covid-19
pandemic
.
Submitted by Dương Nguyễn on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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