CAUSE AND SOLUTION ESSAYūüėä What are causes and solutions to children‚Äôs violence?

Violence
among teenagers is on the rise. Some fear that the lack of parental guidance is the chief contributor. Parents who are
Correct your spelling
preoccupied

The word pre-occupied doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
pre-occupied
Correct your spelling
preoccupied

The word pre-occupied doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
with their own career and private lives might make light of their
children
, derailing the latter to days of depression. Some
children
use
violence
as a way to draw attention from their peers at school. Others, due to socializing with bad peers, mimic aggressive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
. Several teachers, worse still, add to
this
unwanted issue by discriminating
kids
Change preposition
against kids

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
. A group of
kids
from well-to-do
families
become the apple of their eyes while other poorer ones are totally neglected and even despised.
Violence
, again, is their
last
resort to ask for dire equality that seems so rare in a society where the gap between classes is unbridgeable. Governmental inability to solve the matter of ever-growing unemployment is accountable for the poverty of many
families
whose
children
are physically abused to support
families
. Gradually, living in
families
with both
labor-exploitation
Correct your spelling
labor exploitation

The word labor-exploitation doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
and domestic
violence
,
children
are highly vulnerable to negative acts. Programs on media fraught with images of
violence
fuel
this
. There are stories of the little kid at the age of five killing others after imitating the
massive-shooting
Correct your spelling
massive shooting

The word massive-shooting doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
hero in his
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite

The spelling of favorite is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
movie. Solutions to
this
problem are various. One of the most vital remedies is that parents should spend more time with their
children
, communicating, sharing and listening to the latter’s voice. As the generation gap narrows,
kids
feel loved, learn to behave well
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma in a compound predicate. Consider removing it.

show examples
and find no need to throw their emotional tantrums onto others. Teachers, too, have to learn to respect every kid equally regardless of
background
Add an article
the background

The noun phrase background seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
while governments must go to any length to minimize the rate of joblessness.
Laws on
Correct your spelling
Lawson

The word Laws on seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
protecting
kids
from violent parents and censorship to filter content on media are
also
constructive steps to put an end to
this
head-aching phenomenon.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ ¬Ľ

* free ebook for Premium users

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Try other services:

All the services are free for Premium users