Some people believe that government should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individual should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many argue that the government should look after and give
money
Use synonyms
assist for senior citizens when they are sixty years old. While others say
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
should put
money
Use synonyms
into their fixed account when they are working early stage it will help for their olden days. I strongly agree with the former opinion because the
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
Use synonyms
would not manage all
expenses
Use synonyms
with their own
money
Use synonyms
when they are after getting old so, the government should be aided. On the one hand, the
oldery
Correct your spelling
older
elderly
people
Use synonyms
have been working when they were young while they were being contributed to the
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
development
such
Linking Words
as workforce. The ministry should turn thank to these kinds
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
how will provide monetary subsidies for their
expenses
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, nowadays all goods price are increased dramatically
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
to past days so, the pension
people
Use synonyms
are able to face trouble to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their needs and wants.
For example
Linking Words
, according to the research said that all product price amount would be increased in the
up coming
Correct your spelling
upcoming
show examples
years.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
rulling
Correct your spelling
ruling
patrty
Correct your spelling
party
should help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the senior folks.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, above sixty years age person
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
paid
tax
Use synonyms
to the cabinet like income
tax
Use synonyms
, service
tax
Use synonyms
, and property
tax
Use synonyms
when they were working. They
also
Linking Words
participate
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the country growth and the administration were being used these kinds of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
Change to a genitive case
individual's
individuals'
show examples
money
Use synonyms
too
such
Linking Words
as infrastructure, hospitals, banks and so on. The ministry
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a responsibility to take care of their
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old man
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
, they can satisfy their medical
expenses
Use synonyms
, living
expenses
Use synonyms
. For instances, the Singapore government is provided
every
Add the preposition
with every
show examples
month pension amount to their resident who
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
getting above 60. To conclude, the
rulling
Correct your spelling
ruling
party should focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
their citizens how satisfying their needs and wants. Not only the youngsters but
also
Linking Words
the
grand parents
Correct your spelling
grandparents
show examples
Linking Words
therefore
Add the comma(s)
,therefore
show examples
, they can live happily and healthily.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: