IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities? Discuss the both positive and negative effects of adventures on people life with examples from your personal experience.

#people #sports #activities #effects #adventures #life
It is often believed that extreme sports possess
threat
Add an article
a threat
show examples
 to humankind
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since taking risks for fun is counterproductive and should not be followed by
ofthousands
Correct your spelling
of thousands
thousands
years
Change preposition
of years
show examples
 of evolution.
Although
, the viewpoint has opponents
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 mostly rely on
such
 arguments that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life is given just once,
thus
 it should be fulfilled with diverse experience. The essay will discuss both viewpoints and the author's personal opinion will be provided in the conclusion.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the one hand, having leisure which overlaps with death or heavy injuries could arise from mental disorders or just boring life. In the modern highly globalised world, where
most
Correct your spelling
almost
show examples
 every pleasure of life can be picked and consumed, playing with death is considered extraordinary.
For instance
, having
high-risk
Correct article usage
a high-risk
show examples
 appetite could be prolific in the venture business, where a great portion of uncertainty is delivered. All in all, frequent risk-taking often leads to deterioration of health, with possible cardiovascular and mental issues.
On the other hand
, risking in all dimensions is highly praised among clerks, who spent most
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 lives in the open space or in a glass-box office. The top-notch financial periodicals, The Financial Times have been publishing a special "Books of the year" list, which mostly comprise of fiction about detectives, spies and explorers, and which is highly beloved by bankers.
Thus
, a desire
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 adventures and risks could be easily traced among the population stratum, since just in books they can live that risky experience, adding it gradually offline.
Finally
, it can be concluded that venture should be taken responsibly, with an outlook for an existing family,
for example
, while severe extreme ,
such
 as mountain climbing, even could lead to death.
Submitted by vts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: