IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In some countries,children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#countries #children #message
In some cultures,parents encourage
children
 that achieving the hardest
goals
 is possible if they make enough effort.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
 notion brings some benefits for youngsters, I believe it might pose serious challenges for them. When
children
 are told that they can gain anything they want by trying hard,the victorious mindset will be flourished in them,so their confidence will boost with
this
 view. Because they trust their abilities and they just concentrate on their
goals
 to get them.
Also
, in the way of gaining ,aims they would develop their practical and theoretical skills, which make them well-prepared for crucial situations in their lives that they may be faced.
On the other hand
, In my opinion, if we make
children
 motivated to achieve anything they want,it may produce big problems for them in the future. Some
goals
 are unrealistic and getting them is impossible.
As a result
, when
children
 could not gain those
goals
 they will get diseases related to depression and they would not hope to continue their lives.
Therefore
, we should make young people put realistic
goals
. In conclusion, from my personal standpoint,
children
 can be successful with putting achievable purposes.
Submitted by maleki.ali94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: