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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this

It is felt that spending a few
years
Use synonyms
 to
work
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 from finishing school to starting
university
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 would be profitable . There are some merits and demerits in
this
Linking Words
 idea that both of them will be argued in the following essay . The advantages of having a
job
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 before
education
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 in the
university
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 would be the fact that
firstly
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 , people will be able to choose the best and a reasonable major in the
university
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 which will have a positive influence on their successes in the
education
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 .
Secondly
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 , it
is
Change to the active voice
seems
has seemed
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seemed
Correct your spelling
deemed
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as
Replace the word
like
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 a
work
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 experience that will be
help
Replace the word
helpful
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 full to achieve a proper
job
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 after
the
Correct article usage
apply
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graduation.
Moreover
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 , when
children
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 look after a profession, they can find their abilities and skills in specialized fields .
For instance
Linking Words
 , if a person talent or ability in electrical activities is discovered , he will decide to study electrical engineering as academic
education
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 and she/he has
work
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 experience for
years
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 and it is a desirable resume to reach a suitable
work
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 in the future.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
children
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 can have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
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 to study in the perfect field in the universities and achieve better
job
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 positions in the future by working before beginning the academic
education
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 . Stopping academic
education
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 is the main drawback of having a
job
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 between school and
university
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 .
Furthermore
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 , if
children
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 earn money before going to
university
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 , they will be encouraged to do
work
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instead
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 of professional
education
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 .
Also
Linking Words
 , they will
Replace the word
lose
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loose
Correct your spelling
lose
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 some
job
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 positions in the future . Because many employers need workforce by good qualification and academic degree .
For example
Linking Words
 ,if people are not teaching graduate, they will not be employed as a teacher . In conclusion .As the positive points . If people do
work
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 between school and academic
education
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 for few
years
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 , they will have reached a suitable
job
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 by the
next
Linking Words
 5
years
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 .
Additionally
Linking Words
 , they can read the better major.
In contrast
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 , missing the desirable profession and omit
children
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 motivation to continue their educations can be
as
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
demerits .

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Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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