IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The
world
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 is now
safer
Correct article usage
a safer
show examples
 place than it was a century ago.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
governments
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 should not waste
vast
Add an article
a vast
show examples
 amount of
money
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 on their armed
force
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. It is indisputable that
security
Correct article usage
the security
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 of people in each region is one of the main factors to remain peaceful lives in humanity.
However
Linking Words
, there are many international agreements happens nowadays and I believed that the
world
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 can be peaceful with the intention of morals and ethics rather than the
violence
Replace the word
violent
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 war. A century ago, the
world
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 is suffered from
World
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 War I, II and almost every country around the
world
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 gave their hope on the armed
force
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 to protect their best regions. The
governments
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 invested tremendous
money
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 military
force
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in
Change preposition
for
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purpose
Add an article
the purpose
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 of guarding their land.
For example
Linking Words
, America invested
money
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 to invent
military
Correct article usage
a military
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 submarine over trillion dollars to attack their enemy
countries
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, America
also
Linking Words
invent
Change the verb form
invents
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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powerful weapons like nuclear bombs, as we all knew that Hiroshima city was destroyed by
this
Linking Words
 atomic bomb and
this
Linking Words
 situation had led to the victory of America and their allies
countries
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.
This
Linking Words
 is why the
governments
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 spend
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of
money
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 on their armed
force
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 until today.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many international agreements after WWII to remain
peace
Replace the word
peaceful
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
globalization.
For instance
Linking Words
, many international laws and agreements are set up to remain the benefits of states follows the basic morals and ethics including the international organization
such
Linking Words
 as
UN
Correct article usage
the UN
show examples
 (United Nation).
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
world
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 today is now safer than it was a century ago because there is no violence like Word War I or II. Unfortunately, there are people in many
countries
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suffer
Correct pronoun usage
who suffer
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 from
huger
Correct your spelling
hunger
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 and still live in poor health conditions.
Hence
Linking Words
, the
governments
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 should concern about the problems of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 and health issues. They should spend
money
Use synonyms
 to improve
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 conditions rather than the armed
force
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. In conclusion, the major problem of many
countries
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 around the
world
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 is not about the terrestrial but the economic status of people. I strongly agreed
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay that the
governments
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 should stop spend
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
 on their armed
force
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 but should spend
money
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 to improve the quality of lives.

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