IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they released from prison. What do you think are the cause of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

#criminals #crimes #prison
Unfortunately,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society has faced many offenders who committed a
crime
 several times even after they released from jail;
in other words
, the community deals with
recidivism
. Inappropriate education, unsuitable punishments and many other factors may lead to
recidivism
;
thus
, the
government
 has
duty
Add an article
a duty
the duty
show examples
 to keep
this
 issue under control. In my view, some of the punishments that the
government
 has determined are not fitted the
crime
 and they may result reversely.
For instance
, imagine a murder who is
psychopath
Correct article usage
a psychopath
show examples
 and judge has sentenced him
/
her to a couple of years in prison; obviously, he
/
she will murder someone in jail or as soon as he released from prison he
/
she will commit a
crime
 because of his
/
her mental illness.
On the other hand
, sometimes that punishment that has determined for a
crime
 should be intensified to prevent
recidivism
;
additionally
, perhaps we need an appropriate education
besides
 punishment. As a viable solution, the
government
 has to consider a practical education for some lawbreakers to learn them as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
law-abiding citizen and make them useful for their society.
In addition
, the
government
 must intensify as a preventive measure.
For example
, if the court doesn’t sentence a person who has convicted
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 drug exchange to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
suitable punishment, he will start his illegal business from its beginning again and again. In conclusion, the
government
 has
duty
Add an article
a duty
the duty
show examples
 to punish criminals suitably and provide them with reasonable training to prevent
recidivism
. I can predict that with these measures the
government
 will be able to stand against
recidivism
.
Submitted by nataly280480 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Reintegrate
  • Social stigma
  • Recidivism
  • Criminal records
  • Ex-offender
  • Associations
  • Comprehensive
  • Workforce
  • Mentoring
  • Incentivize
  • Stigmatize
  • Subsidies
  • Legitimate
What to do next:
Look at other essays: