IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

An increasing number of people are now using the Internet to meet new people and socialize. Some people think this has brought people closer together while others think people are becoming more isolated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #internet
People
 around the world expand their communication bounds using social networks. While some suppose that it afflicts lack of natural connections, others argue that developed technology gives opportunity
people
 to establish remote links. On the one hand, it is understandable why
people
 believe that
this
 communication means causes the impact of insensitive
relationships
. Due to the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it gives an opportunity for
people
 to have remote connections, they neglect to have vivid meetings.
For instance
, in comparison with
people
 who have contacted each other at some events and enjoyed a warm atmosphere earlier, they get satisfied merely with online conversations at present. Following
this
,
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 addict to social networks and delay other essential deals. Another negative factor is that they are involved in social groups which can impose them.
As a result
,
this
 socialism may cause negative effects, especially for the young generation.
Finally
,
people
 who use social networks are experienced spelling mistakes and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of expressing feelings. If
people
 get addicted to new automation and communicate using only
this
 way, it will result in platonic
relationships
.
As a result
,
people
 avoid each other when they get closer in real life.
On the other hand
, I would argue with those who support the idea that social communication
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
 to meet
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 are in remote areas. The developed automation shortens long distances between
people
,
although
 it makes insensitive feelings.
For instance
,
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the fact that businessmen can organize online meetings,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
gives the opportunity to extend business
relationships
 and to grow rapidly.
Moreover
, their staff contact each other which results in a
friendshipw
Correct your spelling
friendship
 chain.
People
 getting familiar with various kinds of
people
 from abroad takes
chancwe
Correct your spelling
chance
 to know different local cultures and languages.
In addition
 to
this
,
people
 can meet with different life stories which might influence
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their personality.
Besides
, they can be aware of breaking news around the world. To conclude,
although
 I accept that the social network brings negative effects on
people
relationships
, I firmly believe that
people
 who contact through technology ways develop their connections.
Submitted by mahiyakarim85 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
  • Virtual marketplace
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital footprint
  • Return policy
  • Comparison shopping
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Logistics
  • User interface
  • Payment gateway
What to do next:
Look at other essays: