IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In
this
Linking Words
 modern era , everyone has a hectic schedule.They don't have enough moment to spend on extra hustle. There are many causes behind
this
Linking Words
 scenario. First and foremost,folks nowadays love technology they like to spend a lot of their moment on mobile phones or on gaming computers even if they don't have a social life . Because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, they prefer to sit at home rather than go outside and join some sports club as occupation .
Secondly
Linking Words
,everyone wants to become a billionaire and they join a rat race. They like to work 24*7 whether it's work from home or in the office.People forget about their art because they think it's just a waste of time and money too.They would like to spend their time only on money-earning activities
for instance
Linking Words
 Instagram, Facebook,
TikTok
Correct word choice
and TikTok
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 kind of schedule leads their health towards major diseases like obesity, diabetes and many more.They don't follow their amusement because of their busy hour period.
This
Linking Words
 makes them introverted and it results in depression or anxiety and as we all know reason behind it
mobile
Add a missing verb
is mobile
show examples
 phones . I mention my view here about what I experienced
last
Linking Words
 year when I was indulging in social media
instead
Linking Words
 of my hobbies or other curricular activities .I became a lethargic person without hobbies . Hobbies are not just
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 they create a bond between society and an individual people can connect with each other
while
Linking Words
 they join them and share culture, emotions and moral values .

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and supports it with specific examples or explanations.
task achievement
Include a conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your perspective on the topic.
task achievement
Your use of examples from personal experience adds authenticity to your argument.
task achievement
You tackled an important issue and your insights on the effects of technology and ambition are relevant, showing good engagement with the topic.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
What to do next:
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