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Band 5.5

Some believe that the best way to stay fit is to join a gym or health club while others think doing everyday activities. Such as walking and climbing stairs is enough. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #gym #health #club #activities #stairs
Nowadays,
people
 opt for different ways to keep themselves healthy
such
 as some choose to workout in the gymnasium or various sports club whereas some are of the opinion to make exercise a part of there life by doing walk or climbing staircase while doing there work. I shall discuss both
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 viewpoints in the upcoming paragraph. It is seen that
people
 have
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 interests in various games and they wanted to pursue as
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 career.
Hence
, the interests
such
 as weightlifting, swimming,
etcetra
Correct your spelling
etcetera
 can be done with regular practice.
In addition
,
people
 who don't want to go for arduous exercise choose activities
such
 as yoga, aerobics to which they have to join a particular club where they can avail the services. It is seen that these programmes need
trained
Add an article
a trained
show examples
 mentor who can guide the right way of doing the various pose which can't be done on
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 own.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, it is undeniable that our
forefathers
Change to a genitive case
forefather's
forefathers'
show examples
 lifestyle was so hard as there was
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of transportation and other facilities,
hence
, they travel miles on
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 feet to get
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 work done.
As a result
, they used to be fit and the body was rid of ailments.But nowadays,
people
 travel in ac cars and buses, thereby, leading to obesity.I believe that one should walk often and choose climbing stairs
instead
 of lifts can be fruitful for
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 health.
Moreover
,
this
 will lead to less expenditure as it will save
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 money and lessen pollution. It will be
win
Add an article
a win
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
win
show examples
win
Add an article
a win
show examples
 situation. I believe
people
 interested
in particular
 sports should definitely choose for the sports clubs whereas others should prefer
walk
Change the form of the verb
walking
show examples
, climbing stairs and do
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 work
own
Correct your spelling
on
show examples
 there own so it keeps them fit at no costs.
Submitted by Raman  on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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