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Band 5.5

Banking and banks. The role of banks in the modern world. Large banks and their functioning. Working with clients. Payment Methods.

#banks #role #world #clients #payment #methods
Banking and
banks
 are very important for the functioning of the modern world. Without
banks
Add a comma
banks,
show examples
 the way we
use
money
 would not work.
Banks
 enable
people
 to save
money
, borrow
money
 and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
pay for things with ease and security. Each country in the world has its own
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
banks
 that have
branches
 in nearly every city so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they are convenient for
people
 to
use
.
People
 often have to visit the local branch of the
bank
 when they want certain services. There are
also
 some very big multinational
banks
 that have
branches
 in most countries in the world.
As well as
 the local
branches
 that are in most cities, each
bank
Add an article
the bank
show examples
 will
also
 have a head office.
This
 is where all central tasks are performed that let the local
branches
 function. The
people
 who work in the
branches
 will be the
bank
 manager, the person in charge, and various tellers who work behind the
bank
 counter and help the
customers
. There will
also
 likely be security guards to protect the
money
, workers and
customers
. Most
customers
 will just need to see the tellers when they go to the
bank
 if they are paying
money
 into their account as either cash or a check.
However
, they might need to see the
bank
 manager if they want to open an account or if they have become overdrawn when they have spent more
money
 than there was in the account.
Also
 if they want to borrow
money
 and get a loan the person will need to see the
bank
 manager who will have to approve it.
As well as
 being able to
use
 cash or checks to pay for things,
banks
also
 offer their
customers
 the more convenient methods of using either a debit
card
 or credit
card
. These methods are very convenient as you just need to carry a small plastic
card
 to be able to pay for anything. When paying with plastic you will need to either sign a receipt or enter a PIN number to confirm the purchase and that you are authorized to
use
 the
card
.
Submitted by lioness1970 on

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Structure
Consider expanding your conclusion to reinforce your points and provide a summary that encapsulates the essay's main ideas.
Language
Try to use a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and engagement.
Content
Your essay effectively outlines the significant role of banks and their operations in the modern world.
Examples
You provided clear, specific examples that illustrate the functions and importance of banks, which helps in task achievement.
Coherence
The logical flow of ideas from the introduction through the body paragraphs to the conclusion is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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