Some people believe that government money should be spent on important things rather than arts such as painting and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many may say that the money spent by governments should be on essential things

such

as healthcare,education ,construction than entertainment stuff like art,opera,theatre.I completely disagree with that argument.

People

not only need an important thing and

also

required socialization which related to their physiological and mental health. There are several reasons why craft is a crucial factor in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

human being.Without ,entertainment

people

will not recharge their mind which is so important for psychological health and the time that entertain

people

For instance

, those who have cancer

needs

Change the verb form

need

show examples

chemical treatment and

also

have to release their mind by a focus on

arts

such

as listen to music or paint a portrait.

Therefore

besides

healthcare, the education we

also

need

arts

Furthermore

,music and painting have existed for many years in the world.

People

required to drink and feed themselves to be alive and

also

arts

such

as music and painting is a portion of food for mental.

In other words

arts

feed our mind to

continue

Add the particle

tocontinue

show examples

think in advance to be strong.

For example

,some evidence support that being in

arts

can boost our emotion in a good way.The

last

but not least,education can lead to communication with

people

for socialization,

arts

also

bring

people

together to make them social. In conclusion,it has been a controversial issue that spending money by the government on what it would be crucial whether on just some essential things or

also

arts

.I completely agree that the money which spent by the government should spend in equal portion on every part of life.

Submitted by cmnr3134 on Sun May 09 2021

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

248 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that government money should be spent on important things rather than arts such as painting and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Social media is popular and used by many people. However, some people think that social media can be bad for mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the idea. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

As a result of tourism, many historical buildings and sites are being damaged beyond repair. What could be done to prevent this?

The information revolution brought about by modern mass communications has both positive and negative consequences to individuals and society. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Discuss with your own experience.

The quality of life in large cities is worsening what could be reasons behind this. What measures can be taken to resolve this problem