IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competitive sports have positive effects on teenager education, while others argue that effect is negative. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #sports #effects #teenager #education #effect
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Nobody would dispute the fact that all teenagers need to have a healthy life by doing
sports
.But some people think that youngsters should not play competitive
sports
 because it can harm them.While others think that competitive sport
such
 as football
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a positive effect on children.I reckon that all teenagers should do
sports
 and sometimes they can play
competitive
Change the adjective
competitively
show examples
.In
this
 essay,I will discuss both opinions and give a relevant opinion. On the one hand,I believe that
such
games
 as football or
bassketball
Correct your spelling
basketball
 have a lot of advantages.To be honest, it can be really hard to play in
team
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
 and you can have
misconception
Add an article
a misconception
show examples
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
 your team players.But if you learn how to work in
group
Correct article usage
a group
show examples
 and have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
comunication
Correct your spelling
communication
 and mutual understanding skills it might help you in future.I reckon that people will use
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 skills in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 future work.
For example
,
usually
Add a comma
,usually
show examples
 employees need to do projects in big groups.
Moreover
, rival
games
 can be more
entertaing
Correct your spelling
entertaining
 and more interesting
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 playing alone.
On the other hand
, rival
sports
 have a negative effect on children.Generally, competitive
games
 end with anger from the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who
lose
Change the verb form
loses
show examples
 which can lead to
Correct article usage
a fight
show examples
fight
Change the verb form
fighting
show examples
.In my childhood, I used to cry after I lost the game and it could somehow affect my nervous system because after playing I always was embarrassed and stressed. To sum up, competitive spots are very useful and we can learn a lot from them but we should teach youngsters how to adjust to
loss
Add an article
the loss
show examples
 and do not show anger.
Also
, I think that schools should let play rival
games
 from a certain year of birth.
Submitted by roman.antonyak16 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • teamwork
  • growth mindset
  • sense of responsibility
  • manage success and failure
  • undue pressure
  • emphasize
  • winning at all costs
  • cheating
  • aggression
  • physical and emotional burnout
  • integration
  • social cohesion
  • diverse group of peers
  • encouraging empathy
  • hyper-competitive
  • overshadows
  • joy and love for the game
  • healthy and enjoyable activity
  • stressful obligation
  • means to an end
  • promote a balanced approach
  • competition is healthy
  • sportsmanship
  • valued above victory
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