IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#societies #crimes #teenagers #people #age #adult #punishment
Using additives and
perservatives
Correct your spelling
preservatives
 is very common
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days.
However
, there are many
people
 who think that these chemicals can bring serious health problems and the government need to take care of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. I, strongly, agree with the statement even though
this
 technique has saved millions of
people
 all around the world, the quality
hasto
Correct your spelling
has to
 be monitored. On
one
 hand, many eatables have been preserved for a long
time
 and these items used later on when food would be out of stock. Especially, during the
time
 of monsoon or famine, the preserved
one
 can be utilized.
For instance
, some
economically-deprived
Correct your spelling
economically deprived
show examples
 countries have been supported by foreign nations as they send perishable goods by mixing with either additive or preservative substances.
Nevertheless
, it has been noticed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 many companies use the chemicals in an uncontrolled manner and do not adhere the government rules and regulations. Due to
this
,
this
 technique may cause harmful effects on humans’ life as there are some ingredients have the property carcinogen.
Similarly
, even some additives
excalate
Correct your spelling
escalate
allerfic
Correct your spelling
allergic
 reactions and sometimes end up in
a deadly situations
Correct the article-noun agreement
a deadly situation
deadly situations
show examples
. Using additives and
perservatives
Correct your spelling
preservatives
 is very common
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days.
However
, there are many
people
 who think that these chemicals can bring serious health problems and the government need to take care of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. I, strongly, agree with the statement even though
this
 technique has saved millions of
people
 all around the world, the quality
hasto
Correct your spelling
has to
 be monitored. On
one
 hand, many eatables have been preserved for a long
time
 and these items used later on when food would be out of stock. Especially, during the
time
 of monsoon or famine, the preserved
one
 can be utilized.
For instance
, some
economically-deprived
Correct your spelling
economically deprived
show examples
 countries have been supported by foreign nations as they send perishable goods by mixing with either additive or preservative substances.
Submitted by Sal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile delinquency
  • criminal behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • adolescent development
  • retribution
  • impulse control
  • the justice system
  • societal influences
  • environmental factors
  • juvenile justice
  • punitive measures
  • adult incarceration
  • youth crime
  • reformative programs
  • deterrence
  • mitigating circumstances
  • restorative justice
  • correctional facilities
  • peer pressure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: