IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students’ future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Currently, there is a debate about whether schools should only offer
subjects
Use synonyms
 that can help
students
Use synonyms
’ future career success (i.e.,
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
sports
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 are irrelevant). As far as I am concerned, I believe
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
music
Use synonyms
 and
sports
Use synonyms
 are equally important. Compelling arguments can be made that those seemingly unimportant
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
art
Use synonyms
,
music
Use synonyms
 and
sports
Use synonyms
 are actually just as important as core
subjects
Use synonyms
 like
English
Use synonyms
 and
maths
Use synonyms
. The
first
Linking Words
 point with respect to
this
Linking Words
 is that
art
Use synonyms
,
music
Use synonyms
 and
sports
Use synonyms
 make a student a
well- rounded
Correct your spelling
well-rounded
show examples
 person. There is no denying that a young person who is artistic and athletic is more likely to be physically and mentally healthy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
subjects
Use synonyms
 like
art
Use synonyms
,
music
Use synonyms
 and
sports
Use synonyms
 help
students
Use synonyms
 to identify their interests and hobbies early in life. True, if a young person is able to know what they are really passionate about, they can continue doing what they enjoy in their adult life. More importantly,
sports
Use synonyms
,
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 help
students
Use synonyms
 strike a balance in their learning at school. Clearly, if
students
Use synonyms
 only study
English
Use synonyms
 and
maths
Use synonyms
 at school, their life will be very boring. It may be tempting to argue that
students
Use synonyms
 should focus on what makes them more successful in the future. The fundamental reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mainstream society defines “success” in a narrow-minded way. By
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 I mean most people believe that making more money is the only definition of success and they think learning
English
Use synonyms
 and
maths
Use synonyms
 helps them make more money. But
further
Linking Words
 analysis would make it clear that being happy is probably way more important than having more wealth in the long term. On the basis of the above discussion, I believe that
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
music
Use synonyms
,
art
Use synonyms
 and
sports
Use synonyms
 should be taught in every school, apart from
subjects
Use synonyms
 like
English
Use synonyms
 and
maths
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: