Some people choose to eat no meat or fish. They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, there are some
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
usually change their food mentality in order to follow a vegetarian or vegan
diets
Correct the article-noun agreement
diet
show examples
.
Obvoiusly
Correct your spelling
Obviously
, it means that they abolished
meat
and
fish
from their life. In fact, they think that
this
is not only better for their health but
also
it could create benefits to our world environment. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will try to discuss
this
view and
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
state my own opinion regarding the matter. First of all, it is important to underline that from a "medical" point of view, proteins
derive
Change the form of the verb
derived
show examples
from
meat
or
fish
represent an important part of our
week
Replace the word
weekly
show examples
diet. In fact, it is usually recommended to eat both two or three days a week.
In contrast
, there are
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
prefer that type of
proteins
Fix the agreement mistake
protein
show examples
from their daily meal or dinner because it is usually suggested by
people
that
meat
and
fish
could cause cancer in the future. Because of
this
,
people
prefer to eat proteins from
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
such
as legumes.
Secondly
,
people
from their own point of view, believe that
animals
should not be touched and hunted because in
this
way we could damage our environment. In fact,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
fishes, are
responsable
Correct your spelling
responsible
to clean
Change preposition
for cleaning
show examples
and
substain
Correct your spelling
sustain
the offshore
eco-system
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
show examples
.
For
this
reason, if
people
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
start to avoid
fish
and
meat
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
their typical foods, our society could obtain
a
Change the article
the
show examples
greatest nature and
above all
restore the relationship with our Earth.
To conclude
, it is important to underline that it is true that
animals
are fundamental for our habitat, but I personally agree that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
represent the "
food-chain
Correct your spelling
food chain
show examples
" and
for
this
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
it is recognized that
animals
eat
animals
and we are similar to them.
Submitted by lorenzomonacourro on

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coherence cohesion
Clear structure and progression of ideas needed. Introduction and conclusion require improvement. Use appropriate examples to support ideas.
task achievement
Address the task more comprehensively and provide relevant examples. Ensure a clear opinion is presented in the conclusion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Plant-based diet
  • Chronic diseases
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Deforestation
  • Water consumption
  • Mitigate climate change
  • Natural resources
  • Animal welfare
  • Humane and ethical choice
  • Healthcare costs
  • Sustainable farming
  • Legumes
  • Fruits and vegetables
  • Vegetarian
  • Vegan
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