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Band 5.5

Some people argue that if children behave badly their parent should accept responsibility and also be punished for the behavior of their children. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#people #children #parent #responsibility #behavior
It is said that
parents
 should be responsible for
unaceptable
Correct your spelling
unacceptable
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 from their
children
 and be penalized for
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 sequence of actions from their kids. In my opinions, I partly agree with
this
 statement as there are
also
 other
factors
 that affect
characteristics
Correct article usage
the characteristics
show examples
 of
children
. There is no doubt that
parents
 are considered as role models of their babies as youngsters tend to learn and imitate
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adults. To demonstrate my point, a child is likely to smoke or drink alcohol regularly if his or her
parents
 are alcoholics or heavy smokers.
Moreover
, parenthood plays a vital role in developing and shaping
personalities
Correct article usage
the personalities
show examples
 and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 of
children
 at their early age.
Additionally
,
parents
 need to become good listeners and supportive
friends
 with their kids so they can understand challenges and provide proper
guidances
Correct your spelling
guidance
show examples
 to their
children
.
On the other hand
, there are
also
 other
factors
such
 as
friends
 and neighbours that influence the behavioural developments of young people. Frequent exposure to evil
friends
 or criminal
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 may encourage
children
disobey
Add the particle
to disobey
show examples
 their families or conduct wrongdoings.
For example
, if a boy plays in a group of unruly
friends
 who often skip their classes or smoke, the boy is likely to form harmful habits.
Nevertheless
, if a boy is born and raised in a violent area, he is likely to have
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 possibility of becoming a criminal. To sum up, it is true that
parents
 play a key role in educating their
children
,
however
, other
factors
such
 as
friends
,
neighbourhood
Replace the word
neighbors
show examples
 are
also
factors
 that should be considered.
Submitted by npanhtuan09 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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