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Band 5

Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

#favourite #pastime #people #activities
Nowadays, almost all
people
 have their own
favorite
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favourite
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 amusement
also
, shopping has become
vital
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a vital
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 part of our life. Shopping becomes
engaging
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an engaging
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 habit for youth, teenagers
spends
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spend
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 most of their
time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 as well. From my point of view, it is because of the peer influences and coming more trends.
To begin
 with, one of the crucial thing in developing young adult is their surroundings, their close friends. Peer pressure is encouraged and wants to follow their peers by changing their attitudes, values or
behaviors
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behaviours
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 to conform to those of the influencing group or individual.
Furthermore
, the development of the shopping industry is good, but many young
people
 spend their parents' money on clothes, which they could use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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for other activities. The emergence of trends and the interest of others, ie young children,
they
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apply
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do not want to stay out of the trend and imitate. Young adults should motivate themselves to do other
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 activities
such
 as reading a book or doing charity.
Firstly
, reading a book helps them to increase their critical thinking and remembering information, it is better than spending
time
for
Change preposition
apply
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shopping.
Secondly
, if teenagers do some charity, they will understand the value of money, how to spend it properly, what they do when
people
 in society do not have enough money.
For
instance
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,instance
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 There are
such
people
 in society who can merely buy
a bread
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bread
a loaf of bread
a piece of bread
a slice of bread
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 or get
appropriate
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an appropriate
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 education. To conclude, while it is true that youth spends most of their
time
for
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apply
show examples
shopping, they should be encouraged to spend their free
time
 more wisely on activities that could
be help
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help
show examples
 them to live
more
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a more
show examples
 convenient life.
Submitted by Dariga on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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