IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
,
Issues
 related to
health
 are escalating day by day.Few of the population think that the advert of
health
issues
 and sickness are more significant than medication and therapy.So ministry
financenshould
Correct your spelling
finance should
 consider it.While some people oppose
this
 idea.I will discuss both ideas in
this
 essay and
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
 view has advantages.
To begin
 with,these days individuals are suffering from many
diseases
 like obesity,
diabeties
Correct your spelling
diabetes
,cancer and so on.
Government
 can control the food habits which are responsible for
these sickness
Change the determiner
this sickness
these sicknesses
show examples
 because numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
diseases
 are occur due to having
a junk food
Remove the article
junk food
a portion of junk food
show examples
 or having
a bad eating habits
Correct the article-noun agreement
a bad eating habit
bad eating habits
show examples
.
Thus
 by controlling these things ,authority can reduce the chances of illness among people.Apart from
this
,few environmental factors are key responsible for people's ailments
such
 as pollution ,releasing of harmful chemicals from factories.
For instance
,thermal plants are established in the city near
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crowded places.
Hence
,emitting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these chemicals causes plenty of
disesases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 like breathing problem and so on.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contrast,treatment and drugs are important than
advert
Correct article usage
the advert
show examples
 of
issues
 related to
health
 and disorders.Regulating bodies should pay more attention in term of funds to
this
.Some
diseases
 can not be controlled like cancer,genetic disorder and so on.So
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 cannot handle the sickness which
arise
Change the verb form
arises
show examples
 naturally in the human body.
Thus
,it is better
instead
 of controlling
health
 problems,
ministry
Add an article
the ministry
show examples
 should pay more emphasis on developing new
technquies
Correct your spelling
techniques
 to improve the
health
 of
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
.
For example
,in developing countries like India,Sri Lanka and many more.These countries are far behind
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
developed countries in term of
health
 treatment.So ,in that case ,subsidies should be provided to both
government
 and private hospitals.So that mankind can get their treatment easily without any worries. In conclusion,
ministry
Correct article usage
the ministry
show examples
 can
controll
Correct your spelling
control
 the ailments and
health
issues
 up to
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 limit but some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
diseases
Add an article
the diseases
show examples
 cannot be prevented.So,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 admit that
government
 should spend more money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 providing
health
 care treatments and remedies.
Submitted by davindrsekhon on

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