IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
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Nowdays
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Nowadays
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,
Issues
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 related to
health
Use synonyms
 are escalating day by day.Few of the population think that the advert of
health
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issues
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 and sickness are more significant than medication and therapy.So ministry
financenshould
Correct your spelling
finance should
 consider it.While some people oppose
this
Linking Words
 idea.I will discuss both ideas in
this
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 essay and
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
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 view has advantages.
To begin
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 with,these days individuals are suffering from many
diseases
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 like obesity,
diabeties
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diabetes
,cancer and so on.
Government
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 can control the food habits which are responsible for
these sickness
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this sickness
these sicknesses
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 because numerous
of
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apply
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diseases
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 are occur due to having
a junk food
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junk food
a portion of junk food
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 or having
a bad eating habits
Correct the article-noun agreement
a bad eating habit
bad eating habits
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.
Thus
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 by controlling these things ,authority can reduce the chances of illness among people.Apart from
this
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,few environmental factors are key responsible for people's ailments
such
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 as pollution ,releasing of harmful chemicals from factories.
For instance
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,thermal plants are established in the city near
the
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apply
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crowded places.
Hence
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,emitting
of
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apply
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these chemicals causes plenty of
disesases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 like breathing problem and so on.
On
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In
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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contrast,treatment and drugs are important than
advert
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the advert
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 of
issues
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 related to
health
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 and disorders.Regulating bodies should pay more attention in term of funds to
this
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.Some
diseases
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 can not be controlled like cancer,genetic disorder and so on.So
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government
Add an article
the government
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 cannot handle the sickness which
arise
Change the verb form
arises
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 naturally in the human body.
Thus
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,it is better
instead
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 of controlling
health
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 problems,
ministry
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the ministry
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 should pay more emphasis on developing new
technquies
Correct your spelling
techniques
 to improve the
health
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 of
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
.
For example
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,in developing countries like India,Sri Lanka and many more.These countries are far behind
than
Change preposition
apply
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developed countries in term of
health
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 treatment.So ,in that case ,subsidies should be provided to both
government
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 and private hospitals.So that mankind can get their treatment easily without any worries. In conclusion,
ministry
Correct article usage
the ministry
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 can
controll
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control
 the ailments and
health
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issues
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 up to
certain
Add an article
a certain
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 limit but some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
diseases
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the diseases
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 cannot be prevented.So,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 admit that
government
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 should spend more money
in
Change preposition
on
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 providing
health
Use synonyms
 care treatments and remedies.
Submitted by davindrsekhon on

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