IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some parents believe that watching TV and playing computer games should be limited and substituted by reading books. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

#parents #tv #computer #games #books
It is widely noted that TV’s and computer
games
 have become a fixation with youngsters, and parents believe that the time
children
 spend in front of the TV and electronic
games
 should be reduced and diverted to reading or studying. In my opinion, I agree with
this
 viewpoint and
this
 essay will explain the details around
this
.
Firstly
, watching TV and playing computer
games
 have many advantages, when it is moderately done. Starting with video
games
,
children
 are introduced to the latest of technologies
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
.
In addition
, there are a few
games
providing
Change the form of the verb
provide
show examples
 practise in logical thinking, and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 methods.
For instance
,
PUZZLEGAME
Correct your spelling
PUZZLE GAME
 on
Correct your spelling
PlayStation
playstation
Correct article usage
a playstation
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is considered the best for
children
 to improve their analytical skills. Reading books
on
Add the comma(s)
,on
show examples
 the other hand, is crucial, as they provide active learning skills for
children
 whereas video
games
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
passive
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For instance
, each individual will have a different view in perceiving and imagining a story, while TV’s portray the story only
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 a single angle. To conclude, even though TV’s and PC
games
 have their good qualities, there must be a balance maintained between active and passive activities. All these are required for the comprehensive development of a child, and it is the duty of the parents to know to prioritize and allocate time equally.
Submitted by ash.fuji2018 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: