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Band 5.5

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine, Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
State
funds
 should be increased more for
prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention
show examples
 of health problems rather than for treatment and medicine. In my opinion, I agree that government funding ought to be increased in healthcare
prevention
, as
this
 will greatly benefit both individuals and society. A good reason to raise
funds
 for
prevention
 is that
prevention
 gives
people
, from all walks of life whether rich or poor, equal rights.
In other words
, if preventive care services are not funded, a lot fewer
people
 will have access to them because they are unable to pay for the service.
This
 excludes a large proportion of society and is discriminatory which can be avoided by getting rid of healthcare fees. Another point to consider is that increased
funds
 for healthcare
prevention
 will benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society in the long run, for the simple reason that more
prevention
 means more healthy
people
.
This
 will result in decreasing the number of ill
people
 and, as
consequence
Add an article
a consequence
show examples
, the need for treatment and medicine.
For instance
, there has been a high percentage reduction in the sale of cigarettes after the government launched the campaign where it decided to print on every single packet of cigarettes pictures of consequences of smoking in our body.
This
 has helped both states and
people
 to save money which
otherwise
 would have gone into treating illnesses related to smoking. In conclusion, I firmly believe that health is the greatest asset of a nation and that authorities should spend more on encouraging
prevention
 as it will help
people
 to stay healthy and to save money on medical bills.
Moreover
, the cost of increased
funds
 for
prevention
 will be recovered many times over by the benefits
this
 will bring.
Submitted by irenedemartini on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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