IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together Include any relevant example from your experience

#families #change
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With the modern advances and fast pace
life
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, relationships have taken a
second
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 place in the
life
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 of most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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people. It's a common scenario today that people are not attached to each other
though
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through
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 living in the same house and families are not as bonded with the gravity of love as they were before. Various reasons are there, behind it to make things worse. We will,
however
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,
discuus
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discuss
few
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a few
show examples
 main causes below.
First
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 and foremost among them, is lack of
comunication
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communication
 between
parents
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 and their
children
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 and in between siblings.
Parents
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,today, have more money and less
time
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 for their own
children
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. Giving costly gifts and outings once or twice
in
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apply
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a month are not replacements
of
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for
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 small chit chat and quality
time
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 on
daily
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a daily
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 basis that you can give to your child. In
this
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 way, elders
infact
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in fact
, push them to a
materiastic
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materialistic
life
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 and
instill
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instil
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 that instinct in their offsprings that
consequently
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 make them
a
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apply
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money driven
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money-driven
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 and self-centred individual in the future.
Use
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The use
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 of gadgets and lack of understanding of each other's emotion are the problems standing tall in
this
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 regard. To make
children
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 sit in one place and not
to
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apply
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mess around,
parents
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 often hand over gadgets to them.
This
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keep
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keeps
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 them busy and they usually don't disturb
parents
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time
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 by
time
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;
however
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, it
lead
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leads
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 to speech delays, lack of
emotinal
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emotional
 intelligence and communication power in these little kids. As
time
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 pass by, they learn to stay busy with these things and slowly start forgetting the humans and natural social needs around them.
For example
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,
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overuse
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over use
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overuse
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 of gadgets have sharply
increase
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increased
show examples
 the speech delays in
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current
currentt
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the currentt
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 young population. In my opinion,
parents
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 should start giving more
time
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 to
children
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 and less to their workplace to get close to them. Avoid living a materialistic
life
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 and engaging
children
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 more in house and nature are strong tools that are beneficial in
this
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. Elders should stop using mobile phones and other
such
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 items in front of
children
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 and should focus on their social demands more. Above all they need to be more empathetic with these little creatures, keeping aside their own problems, so they will learn and practice the same behaviour once they grow up. All of these can
evantually
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eventually
 lead to
better
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a better
show examples
 family system that we are lacking today but hopefully can be created in future
Submitted by Maj on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • family interactions
  • technological advancements
  • virtual interactions
  • dual-income households
  • urbanization
  • migration
  • social structures
  • individualism
  • family cohesiveness
  • belonging
  • open communication
  • emotional support
  • shared activities
  • family dynamics
  • work-life balance
  • family traditions
  • regular gatherings
  • counseling
  • family therapy
  • prioritizing family time
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