IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some celebrities say that their private lives shouldn’t come under media scrutiny. Other people, however, believe that they should accept it as part of their fame.

#celebrities #lives #shouldn’t #media #scrutiny #people #part #fame
Being a member of the contemporary world, it is everyone’s right to spend their personal and private
life
 according to their own will. Media has
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 influence on celebrities’ lives and often highlights their private matters, which is considered to be a shameful tactic and they mainly do to get higher publicity and ratings for their television and newspapers etc. Some people claim that famous stars compromise with the fact that disclosing and revealing their hidden truths would end up
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
giving them more fame and commercial gain.
Firstly
 celebrities are
also
 human beings and they have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to enjoy the comfort of their personal
life
 without having interference
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the outside world. In ordinary
life
, they
also
 behave, act and live like normal people. They
also
 face numerous problems as other citizens of the country but to bring their personal issues to media is an immoral activity that should be discouraged by all means. They should be treated with care, respect and always acknowledge due to their works and achievement. There is no denying that celebrities use
such
 tactics to gain more success and fame in their professional career, discussing and portraying secrets of their
life
 significantly increased their popularity and create a new horizon of opportunities for them.
For instance
 Paris Hilton, a famous Hollywood actress
was
Correct pronoun usage
who was
show examples
 on the brink of her career end, released her sex tapes to drag the attention of a large audience, suddenly after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
release she was in
spotlight
Correct article usage
the spotlight
show examples
 and limelight everywhere and
also
 got more business afterwards. To sum up, I would like to say that people’s privacy is their basic right that should be followed and exercised in all educated societies.
However
, some celebrities intentionally make them one to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 to enjoy lucrative incentives associated with it
Submitted by konthambhavani2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: