IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in ‎Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. ‎

The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in ‎Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. ‎
#show #units #electricity #production #fuel #source #‎australia #france
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts illustrate the total manufacture of
electricity
Use synonyms
 measured in
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 and ‎divided by different
fuel
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 in Australia and
France
Use synonyms
 in 1980 and 2000.‎
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly shown that significant
fuel
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 used in
electricity
Use synonyms
 ‎
production
Use synonyms
 were different in Australia and
France
Use synonyms
. ‎ First of all, there were considerably more
electricity
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 produced in Australia in ‎‎2000 (170
units
Use synonyms
) than in 1980 (100
units
Use synonyms
). The majority of service produced in ‎Australia for both years was from coal, but there was a higher dependency on ‎coal in
electricity
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 in 2000 than in 1980 (130 out of 170 and 50% ‎respectively). There was an increase of 16
units
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 produced by ‎hydropower from 1989 to 2008
whereas
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
sources
Use synonyms
 like natural gas and oil ‎contributed less to
electricity
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 in 2000 than in 1980.‎ Turning to
France
Use synonyms
's
fuel
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
, it is apparent that
electricity
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 doubled ‎in 2000
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in 1980, which was 180 for the former and 90 for the latter. The ‎most striking feature is that only 15 out of 90
units
Use synonyms
 were produced by nuclear ‎power in 1980.
However
Linking Words
, it became the primary
fuel
Use synonyms
 source of
electricity
Use synonyms
 ‎
production
Use synonyms
 in
France
Use synonyms
 in 2000, 70%. Not forgetting to mention that other
fuel
Use synonyms
 ‎
sources
Use synonyms
 in
electricity
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 became less in 2000 than in 1980.‎
Submitted by arash.dejkameh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, fuel, sources, france, units, production with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: