People today are more concerned with owning material possessions than with developing friendships and family relationships. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#people #possessions #friendships #relationships

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Nowadays a days life of individuals

became

Wrong verb form

have become

show examples

materialistic, which is why

few

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

public

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

more inclined towards wealth and possessions over nurturing a mutual bond of love and care. I completely agree with the

aforesaid

Correct word choice

aforementioned

show examples

notion because ,in the current scenario, financial status, bank balance and personal needs are the key motives of most

people

Use synonyms

which eventually make them isolated.

This

Linking Words

essay will elaborate on

this

Linking Words

in the upcoming paragraphs.

To begin

Linking Words

with, the first and foremost reason behind

such

Linking Words

an attitude is,

Use synonyms

people

Correct word choice

that people

show examples

are more concerned about the standard of living. Many

folk

Change to a plural noun

folks

show examples

think that if they live in high comfort, it will enhance their respect in society. In order to achieve ,

this

Linking Words

they tend to neglect friends from lower economic groups irrespective of their love and need for them.

For instance

Linking Words

, in my local community when one young boy became an IAS officer he discontinued all his relationships with school and college friends.

Moreover

Linking Words

, he shifted his house to a comparatively richer area.

As a result

Linking Words

, now he

is having

Wrong verb form

has

show examples

all the extravagant facilities in his home that

gives

Change the verb form

give

show examples

him comfort but no healthy and caring relationship with

people

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

, to find and grow friendships one needs ample time

as well as

Linking Words

patience. In the present ,life

people

Use synonyms

are busier

Change preposition

apply

show examples

earning their living as the competitive world hits them badly. The article published in The Times of India reported that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

a survey conducted about public

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

revealed, 55% of individuals agreed with the fact that

due to

Linking Words

a busy

lifestyle

Add a comma

lifestyle,

show examples

they face a lack of time to meet friends and relatives.

Therefore

Linking Words

, their life always flows in the direction of earning money

than

Rephrase

rather than

show examples

maintaining relationships. In conclusion, to satisfy economic demands the community got involved in work and businesses.

In addition

Linking Words

to that, the emphasis has

given

Add a missing verb

been given

show examples

more to living status,

as a consequence

Linking Words

distancing from

people

Use synonyms

happens. Ultimately, the individual is becoming self-oriented,

materialistic

Correct word choice

and materialistic

show examples

and forgets

acquaintance

Fix the agreement mistake

acquaintances

show examples

Submitted by drvaishalikhare on Mon May 24 2021

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task response

Develop a clear and concise introduction that presents the main argument and outlines the key points to be discussed in the essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks a clear logical structure, and the ideas are not effectively organized. Work on developing a clear and coherent progression of ideas, using appropriate paragraphing and linking words to connect ideas.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

321 words

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People today are more concerned with owning material possessions than with developing friendships and family relationships. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Being overweight has become a major health concern in many parts of the world. Explain the causes for being overweight and provide solutions.

Discuss the importance of art education in schools. How does exposure to art impact students’ creativity and overall development?

Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services?

Some people believe that it is better to live and work in a vertical city with multiple tall buildings, as compared to a horizontal city with fewer tall buildings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.