People today are more concerned with owning material possessions than with developing friendships and family relationships. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Nowadays a days life of individuals
became
materialistic, which is why Wrong verb form
have become
few
public Correct determiner usage
the
are
more inclined towards wealth and possessions over nurturing a mutual bond of love and care. I completely agree with the Correct subject-verb agreement
is
aforesaid
notion because ,in the current scenario, financial status, bank balance and personal needs are the key motives of most Correct word choice
aforementioned
people
which eventually make them isolated. This
essay will elaborate on this
in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
with, the first and foremost reason behind such
an attitude is, people
are more concerned about the standard of living. Many Correct word choice
that people
folk
think that if they live in high comfort, it will enhance their respect in society. In order to achieve ,Change to a plural noun
folks
this
they tend to neglect friends from lower economic groups irrespective of their love and need for them. For instance
, in my local community when one young boy became an IAS officer he discontinued all his relationships with school and college friends. Moreover
, he shifted his house to a comparatively richer area. As a result
, now he is having
all the extravagant facilities in his home that Wrong verb form
has
gives
him comfort but no healthy and caring relationship with Change the verb form
give
people
.
Secondly
, to find and grow friendships one needs ample time as well as
patience. In the present ,life people
are busier in
earning their living as the competitive world hits them badly. The article published in The Times of India reported thatChange preposition
apply
,
a survey conducted about public Remove the comma
apply
relationship
revealed, 55% of individuals agreed with the fact that Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
due to
a busy lifestyle
they face a lack of time to meet friends and relatives. Add a comma
lifestyle,
Therefore
, their life always flows in the direction of earning money than
maintaining relationships.
In conclusion, to satisfy economic demands the community got involved in work and businesses. Rephrase
rather than
In addition
to that, the emphasis has given
more to living status, Add a missing verb
been given
as a consequence
distancing from people
happens. Ultimately, the individual is becoming self-oriented, materialistic
and forgets Correct word choice
and materialistic
acquaintance
.Fix the agreement mistake
acquaintances
Submitted by drvaishalikhare on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Develop a clear and concise introduction that presents the main argument and outlines the key points to be discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, and the ideas are not effectively organized. Work on developing a clear and coherent progression of ideas, using appropriate paragraphing and linking words to connect ideas.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!