People today are more concerned with owning material possessions than with developing friendships and family relationships. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#people #possessions #friendships #relationships

Nowadays a days life of individuals

became

Wrong verb form

have become

show examples

materialistic, which is why

few

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

public

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

more inclined towards wealth and possessions over nurturing a mutual bond of love and care. I completely agree with the

aforesaid

Correct word choice

aforementioned

show examples

notion because ,in the current scenario, financial status, bank balance and personal needs are the key motives of most

people

which eventually make them isolated.

This

essay will elaborate on

this

in the upcoming paragraphs.

To begin

with, the first and foremost reason behind

such

an attitude is,

people

Correct word choice

that people

show examples

are more concerned about the standard of living. Many

folk

Change to a plural noun

folks

show examples

think that if they live in high comfort, it will enhance their respect in society. In order to achieve ,

this

they tend to neglect friends from lower economic groups irrespective of their love and need for them.

For instance

, in my local community when one young boy became an IAS officer he discontinued all his relationships with school and college friends.

Moreover

, he shifted his house to a comparatively richer area.

As a result

, now he

is having

Wrong verb form

has

show examples

all the extravagant facilities in his home that

gives

Change the verb form

give

show examples

him comfort but no healthy and caring relationship with

people

Secondly

, to find and grow friendships one needs ample time

as well as

patience. In the present ,life

people

are busier

Change preposition

apply

show examples

earning their living as the competitive world hits them badly. The article published in The Times of India reported that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

a survey conducted about public

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

revealed, 55% of individuals agreed with the fact that

due to

a busy

lifestyle

Add a comma

lifestyle,

show examples

they face a lack of time to meet friends and relatives.

Therefore

, their life always flows in the direction of earning money

than

Rephrase

rather than

show examples

maintaining relationships. In conclusion, to satisfy economic demands the community got involved in work and businesses.

In addition

to that, the emphasis has

given

Add a missing verb

been given

show examples

more to living status,

as a consequence

distancing from

people

happens. Ultimately, the individual is becoming self-oriented,

materialistic

Correct word choice

and materialistic

show examples

and forgets

acquaintance

Fix the agreement mistake

acquaintances

show examples

Submitted by drvaishalikhare on Mon May 24 2021

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task response

Develop a clear and concise introduction that presents the main argument and outlines the key points to be discussed in the essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks a clear logical structure, and the ideas are not effectively organized. Work on developing a clear and coherent progression of ideas, using appropriate paragraphing and linking words to connect ideas.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

321 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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People today are more concerned with owning material possessions than with developing friendships and family relationships. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In some cities although more and more people use public transport the roads are still crowded. How can this problem solved? provide specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

In some cities of the world, cars are replacing bicycles. However, in some cities, bicycle are replacing cars. What are the reason for this for these developments? In your opinion, which one is better?

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that the Government should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or a shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.