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Writing Samples
Band 5

New household appliances have resulted in more free time for women and has enabled them to both work and run a home with dependent children. What are the advantages for a family when the mother works? Do you think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

#household #appliances #time #women #work #home #children #mother #works
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Technological advancement has made people's life easier, than before. Latest home appliances save a lot of time and are proved to be very convenient to the
women
 who, in most cases take care of the household chores. Most
women
 utilize
this
 free time for working outside which greatly benefits the family financially. In my opinion, The merits prevail over the demerits, even if they have dependent kids at home.
To begin
 with, The primary advantage is the income earned by the wife can help
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 growth of the family
thus
, easing the burden on the husband.
For instance
, in a nuclear family that only has the male going to
work
, the entire family has to
maitain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 various restriction monetary wise. The additional salary can help the family for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
better savings for the future.
Moreover
, higher education
cost
Change the verb form
costs
show examples
 a fortune these days, these savings can later be utilized.
On the other hand
, females get an opportunity to showcase their skills and creativity in the business world
thus
, giving equal rights, without any gender discrimination.
Also
, it will help to eradicate the negative old ideology wherein,
women
 were restricted to only household
work
 and taking care of kids.
For example
, In a country like Saudi Arabia, where
women
 were not allowed to
work
 or drive, saw
great
Change the article
a great
the great
show examples
 number of
harrassment
Correct your spelling
harassment
 cases and many
women
 seeking refugee shelters abroad.
However
, there are some disadvantages to
this
. It is often argued that, in a family where both the parents
work
, the children suffer
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of guidance and supervision. But,
this
 can be managed if the children are enrolled
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 some extracurricular activities which will help them both mentally and physically. To conclude
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, I personally believe working mothers have more pros than cons in the family as I have
personally
Replace the word
personal
show examples
 experience in my own family.
Submitted by roshan.rebello22 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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