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Band 4

choose a person in your extended family who is your idol. Write his or her biography. Include how he or she has inspired you.

#person #idol #biography
Most of
people
Add an article
the people
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 may have
idol
Add an article
an idol
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 or who’s inspired them to do something ,but if we talk about
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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 in our family we will have one
person
 that make us proud of he or she and
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of people may make us
to
Change the verb form
apply
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do something like them because they may
inspiration
Replace the word
inspire
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 us to do something like them. If we talk about the
person
 in our family that inspired us or we should he or she to be our idol,
this
 why I
also
 have one
person
 in my family that
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 me
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be like her
that is
 my mom, she is the
person
 that I have expected her. She is
the
Correct article usage
a
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person
 that very strong
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 her mind because when she
do
Change the verb form
does
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something
that is
 very hard
to
Change preposition
for
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 her but
this
 thing did not make her
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
stop doing it she still
try
Change the verb form
tries
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 to do
this things
Change the determiner
this thing
these things
show examples
 until she finished.
This
why
Correct your spelling
way
show examples
 my mom
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 me
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be like her because she
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 me to strong and
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 me
to
Change the verb form
apply
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depend
Add the preposition
ondepend
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my self
Correct your spelling
myself
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 like her, for
in stance
Correct your spelling
instance
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 when I have something
that is
 very hard
to
Change preposition
for
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 me I will try until it
done
Add the auxiliary verb
did
has done
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 like now that I have try to do
this
 essay
that is
 very hard to me because my grammar is very bad but I still try to do it until I’m successful.
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
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this
 is good things if we have expected on someone in our family that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 us
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be good like he or she because if we have someone that
inspiration
Replace the word
inspired
show examples
 us, it can make us successes with
thing
Add an article
the thing
a thing
show examples
 that
that
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
we want to do like our idol.
Submitted by Bank on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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