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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

An increasing number of children have become hooked on fast food and aerated drinks that do not provide much nutrition. This poor diet has led to a rise in obesity among children. What are the problems that are associated with obesity in children and what steps could be taken to prevent it?

#children #food #drinks #nutrition #diet #rise #obesity #steps
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Nowadays youngsters are more addicted
towards
Change preposition
to
show examples
 junk foods & carbonated drinks. Which has led to
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of overweight.
This
Linking Words
 essay will deal with the main factor of excessive body fat & some feasible solution. Unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 will lead to serious health problem. In
this
Linking Words
 fast life both the parents are working & they do not have time to cook
hygenic
Correct your spelling
hygienic
Hygenic
 foods so they often buy
food
Use synonyms
 from outside. Restaurants sell tasty
food
Use synonyms
 which
contain
Change the verb form
contains
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 unhealthy ingredients.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 do not give time for outdoor activities. They are engaged in seeing television, playing games etc. because of that
children
Use synonyms
 become
Correct your spelling
overweight
show examples
over weight
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overweight
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
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 health problem
such
Linking Words
 as heart disease, high blood pressure, fatigue etc. Primary care provider. Parents should take
Linking Words
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 step by providing homemade healthy foods. So that they will get proteins, minerals, vitamins to their bodies. Parents & teachers should encourage their
children
Use synonyms
 to do exercises, yoga etc. In the
family
Add a comma
,family
show examples
 they should follow fix
time table
Correct your spelling
timetable
show examples
 for eating
food
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. So, it will help them to maintain their body. To conclude it is
an
Correct article usage
apply
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evident
Replace the word
evidence
show examples
 that obesity causes several problems among
children
Use synonyms
. So, to reduce that
children
Use synonyms
 should maintain balanced diet & society should take prevention to deteriorate
this
Linking Words
 problem
further
Linking Words
.
Submitted by sweety.moni007 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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