Caring for children is an important thing of the society it is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take child care training courses to what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is often said that
parents
should take child care
courses in order to raise their youth in an appropriate way.In Correct your spelling
childcare
this
essay, I tend to discuss the benefits that society may acquire by
Change preposition
through
this
process and it is my personal belief that if such
courses would
readily more available,it would greatly enhance our community.
Verb problem
were
Firstly
.it is vital that we appreciate the importance of the family as the main source of learning behaviours for youngsters.In addition
,youth mostly learn the pattern of behaviour by looking at their parents
and hearing what they say ,therefore
,it is so important for parents
to learn how they should act
in front of their children
.Moreover
,a study which has been conducted at Harvard University indicates that a youngster's brain is like a sponge and absorb
things very fast and keeps them for their entire life.Correct subject-verb agreement
absorbs
Therefore
,bad-behaved parents
can lead youngsters to become criminals or deal with psychological problems.Consequently
, those kids can undermine society in a
foreseeable future.
Correct article usage
the
However
,some people would argue that parents
do not need to learn how to act
with their kids and they can learn youngster caring naturally by practising with their children
.But,this
is my belief that not all parents
trying
to Wrong verb form
try
act
well with their kids ,for instance
, not many years ago in Iran parents
used to do
Unnecessary verb
apply
physical
punishment their Change the word
physically
children
due to
a lack of knowledge of how they should brought-up
Correct your spelling
bring
youngster
and by trying to do what their own Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
parents
did to them .Therefore
, children
can become victims of their parents
and experience some mental problems when growing up.
In conclusion,it seems to me that it is essential for a family to learn how to act
with their children
because not only it's going to affect their children
's future but also
secure
Correct subject-verb agreement
secures
children
from some wrong action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
such
as physical punishments.Submitted by dmaycry303 on
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coherence cohesion
Introduce clear paragraph breaks to improve readability and logical flow. For example, start new paragraphs for each main point.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and variety to improve readability and interest. For instance, consider splitting longer sentences into two shorter ones for clarity.
task achievement
Strengthen the thesis statement in the introduction for a more powerful argument. Clearly state your stance on whether you agree or disagree.
task achievement
Include a few more specific examples or studies to support your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and grounded in evidence.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and consistently supports it throughout the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument.
coherence cohesion
Good use of transitional phrases such as 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' and 'However,' to guide the reader through your arguments.