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Band 5.5

In some countries, parents expect children to spend long time studying in and after school and have less free time. Do you think it has positive or negative effects on children and society that they live in?

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Having less spare
time
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 due to a demanding study schedule is expected from kids by their parents in some countries. In my opinion, studying longer
instead
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 of enjoying leisure
time
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 has a detrimental
impact
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 on
children
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 and the society they are part of.
Therefore
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, kids who are mostly occupied by extending hours of learning for school might lose or even never develop social skills, which they will need as adults.
Besides
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, having no free
time
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 leads to never exploring
hobbies
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 and leisure activities.
Firstly
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, spending all their
time
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 on studies has an
impact
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 on the development of
children
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’s ability to socialise with other juveniles. In general,
Children
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 need to evolve their social skills at a young age;
hence
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 it is crucial for them to have a lot of contact with other kids. If parents force their
children
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 to study
on
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apply
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academic matters the whole day every day, there might not be
time
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 for socializing and making new friends.
Hence
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,
children
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 may feel lonely more often, which can cause
psychological
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a psychological
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impact
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as a result
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 they might suffer from some chronic depression.
Consequently
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, the declined happiness level has a tremendously negative effect on
children
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’s mental health and the community they live in.
Furthermore
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, having less spare
time
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 leads to a loss of
hobbies
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 and leisure activities, which may cause obesity in
children
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 and
consequently
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 leads to a burden on the health system as well. Studying constantly
,
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 reduces juvenile’s spare
time
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, in which they would normally play with others or do some sport.
Therefore
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,
children
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 might gain unhealthy
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body weight
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bodyweight
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body weight
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 caused by sitting the whole day and a lack of activity.
However
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,
hobbies
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 and spare
time
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 activities are generally necessary for recharging
children
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’s batteries and releasing daily stress. In conclusion, parents who force their
children
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 to study longer in and even after school reduce their spare
time
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, which has a detrimental
impact
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 on the development of social skills, the pursuit of
hobbies
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 and their health.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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