IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Very few schoolchildren learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as part of the school curriculum. Do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #value #money #life #skill #part #school #curriculum
We are living our lives around with
money
, no one
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
 that it is impossible to learn about
money
 without majoring in economics at university. If elementary, junior high and high school students understand the value of
money
 in the early stage, things to know before entering society would
be lessen
Change the verb form
be lessened
show examples
. In
Correct your spelling
spite
show examples
spit
Correct your spelling
spite
show examples
 of that, in my opinion, school education doesn’t need to teach it. One of
reasons
Add an article
the reasons
show examples
 is that only after starting work do
children
 understand how important
money
 is.
Money
 is always equivalent exchange with something worthwhile. In that case,
this
 is your great deal of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
.
However
,
children
 still should learn by allocating their own time to develop themselves, rather than doing something for others.
Furthermore
,
children
 are protected food shelter and clothing by their parents and
then
 they do not really take care of finances.
However
, just because
children
 do not need to care about that, doesn’t always mean
money
 is irrelevant to them. It’s difficult in that sense of the metaphysical meaning of
money
, they would make sense
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 weight of currency.
For instance
, £50 notes are extremely expensive in constraint £1 coins are normal price in a lot of groceries.
Otherwise
, pocket
money
 is good practice to manage on a small budget. Keeping their wallet clear is
also
 important by being mind to have the exact amount ready. By doing so, they would be able to calculate quicker, and feel studying arithmetic was pretty useful. In conclusion, those things can be enough to be skilled in
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 practices. There is no need to make a curriculum.
Submitted by patelmili80 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • curriculum
  • fiscal responsibility
  • money management
  • budgeting
  • saving
  • investing
  • adult population
  • financial decisions
  • educational systems
  • theoretical curriculum
  • practical life skills
  • real-life experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: