Some people think subjects taught in school are a waste of time, while others ‎disagree and believe that it is helpful for students. Discuss both views, and give ‎your own opinion.

One of the highly controversial topics today relates to whether
art
is a crucial
subject
for schoolchildren or not. In
this
essay, I am going to shed some light on
this
question from both points of view and
then
give my own opinion on the matter. On one side of the argument, there are people who argue that the benefits of
art
as an academic
subject
considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing
this
is that
art
is the translation of the imagination of an individual on paper;
thus
,
art
aids
students
in broadening their thinking. It is
also
possible to say that
art
acts as a medium for shy pupils to express their emotions directly. One good illustration of
this
is that children express their love and emotions for their parents by creating a birthday card using their creativity, provided they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
learned
this
art
at the school level.
Therefore
, it is easy to see why
this
argument has gained support.
On the other hand
, people often argue that
art
is just a waste of time. People often have
this
opinion because
students
are already burdened with other academic subjects;
thus
adding
art
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
will enhance that study load.
Additionally
, nowadays there are no job prospects for
students
in
art
;
consequently
, they opt for other vocational subjects. To exemplify,
students
choose either the science or commerce stream, which has jobs available in abundance.
Hence
, it goes without saying that
this
viewpoint is credible and realistic. In my opinion, both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that
art
should be an optional
subject
keeping in mind that the job prospect of
students
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
is of utmost importance.
Submitted by arash.dejkameh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument effectively, providing clear and comprehensive ideas. However, ensure that your examples and explanations are more relevant to the topic to further strengthen your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that your examples and explanations are closely linked to your arguments to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: