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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think subjects taught in school are a waste of time, while others ‎disagree and believe that it is helpful for students. Discuss both views, and give ‎your own opinion.

#people #subjects #school #waste #time #‎disagree #students #‎your
One of the highly controversial topics today relates to whether
art
 is a crucial
subject
 for schoolchildren or not. In
this
 essay, I am going to shed some light on
this
 question from both points of view and
then
 give my own opinion on the matter. On one side of the argument, there are people who argue that the benefits of
art
 as an academic
subject
 considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing
this
 is that
art
 is the translation of the imagination of an individual on paper;
thus
,
art
 aids
students
 in broadening their thinking. It is
also
 possible to say that
art
 acts as a medium for shy pupils to express their emotions directly. One good illustration of
this
 is that children express their love and emotions for their parents by creating a birthday card using their creativity, provided they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 learned
this
art
 at the school level.
Therefore
, it is easy to see why
this
 argument has gained support.
On the other hand
, people often argue that
art
 is just a waste of time. People often have
this
 opinion because
students
 are already burdened with other academic subjects;
thus
 adding
art
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 will enhance that study load.
Additionally
, nowadays there are no job prospects for
students
 in
art
;
consequently
, they opt for other vocational subjects. To exemplify,
students
 choose either the science or commerce stream, which has jobs available in abundance.
Hence
, it goes without saying that
this
 viewpoint is credible and realistic. In my opinion, both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that
art
 should be an optional
subject
 keeping in mind that the job prospect of
students
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
is of utmost importance.
Submitted by arash.dejkameh on

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Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument effectively, providing clear and comprehensive ideas. However, ensure that your examples and explanations are more relevant to the topic to further strengthen your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that your examples and explanations are closely linked to your arguments to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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