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Band 5.5

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced?

#people #levels #violence #films
It is true that the increasing number of violence is shown regularly in the cinema today which cause many issues to society. There are several solutions to resolve these issue and both government’s and parents’ responsibility are important. Too many
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 images in
films
 will lead to negative effects on society.
Firstly
, children are more likely to be influenced by those
films
 because they are too young to distinguish right from wrong so that they might imitate the bad behaviours that showed in
films
.
For example
, the majority of children think the people who fought or killed somebody else in the film is very cool and they may use the violence method to solve complication when they are in trouble.
Consequently
, there will be a dramatically
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in crime rates which make our society less safe.
Secondly
, lots of violent scenes enable
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 to suffer from mental health obstacle. To be more specific,
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 watching those scenes for a long time will cause people to be confused between the virtual world and the real world, and they will even think that those violent methods are normal in reality.
However
, some measures could be taken to tackle
these obstacle
Change the determiner
this obstacle
these obstacles
show examples
.
Firstly
, parents should spend more time observing and restricting their children from watching
such
 bad motion picture.
In addition
, they should pay more attention to children’s physical and mental health.
Secondly
, the government should introduce a law to limit the numbers of
this
 kind of
films
 to avoid safety trouble.
Moreover
, the government should release more good film and encourage the public to watch those ones. In conclusion, violent movies will cause the rising of social crime rates and bring safety issues.
However
, these issues could be addressed by the association of parents and authorities.
Submitted by patelmili80 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitization
  • empathy
  • aggressive behaviors
  • imitation
  • antisocial behavior
  • normalization
  • climate of fear
  • perceptions
  • mental health
  • aggression
  • emotional regulation
  • trauma-related symptoms
  • age ratings
  • critical viewing skills
  • nonviolent entertainment
  • film industry
  • regulate
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