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Band 3.5

Many people believe that social networking sites are not good.

#people #sites
It is often argued that social networking
sites
,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
show examples
 Facebook, have had a detrimental effect on individual
people
 as well as
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society and local
communities
.
However
, while I believe that social networking
sites
 are mainly beneficial to individual
people
, I agree that they have had a detrimental effect on local
communities
. With regards to individuals, the impact that online social media has had on the individual
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has clear advantages.
Firstly
,
people
 from different countries bring together through these websites
such
 as Facebook, whereas before the development of
such
sites
,
people
 rarely had the chance to meet and communicate.
Secondly
, these
sites
 make platforms for
people
 who share common interests so that they can actively engage in fruitful conversations.
On the other hand
,
Correct your spelling
existence
exsitance
Correct article usage
the exsitance
show examples
 of social
sites
 have many negative impacts on local
communities
. Because of these
sites
,
people
 would love to engage virtually rather than taking part in their
communities
 actively.
Consequently
, the person within
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 community is no longer forming close or supportive relationships.
This
 fictional situation will
be resulted
Change to the active voice
result
have resulted
show examples
 in a
disjoined
Correct your spelling
disjointed
show examples
 society where no human being is seen. There is no argument that no society can exist if
people
 are not there. To conclude, I am convinced that social media
sites
 are good for individual
people
, but
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 creating severe problems
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the local
communities
.
Submitted by rohana.cmp on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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