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Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behavior? Discuss the reasons and possible results.

#men #women #money #beauty #care #was #root #behavior #results
Probably in the
recent
Correct word choice
past
show examples
 15 years, you might sense that more and more people around you
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 started to invest in their
beauty
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
even
included
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 men
as well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. It was difficult to imagine that it would happen in the past, especially the generation of our parents
totally
Correct pronoun usage
who totally
show examples
 can't believe it. I suppose it obviously
goes
Verb problem
became
show examples
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 popular since the internet was developing.
To begin
 with, social media reach most people's daily life. A huge amount of bloggers and celebrities post a number of photos to show their sexy, beautiful and frozen age faces and bodies through ins, Facebook etc. People follow with their opinion leaders on the standard of
beauty
 and seek
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way to make themselves as beautiful as they are.
Secondly
, there are many examples that show the success of young and
good looking
Add a hyphen
good-looking
show examples
 influencers , who gain wealth quickly and mainly because of their images.
On the other hand
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reality, a lot of companies will employ a
nicer appearance
Correct word choice
nicer-looking
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 candidate rather than a
normal looking
Add a hyphen
normal-looking
show examples
 one. Even they can get higher pay.
Furthermore
, nowadays, there are many extreme cases that reflect
this
 unhealthy situation.
For instance
, a young girl has started
beauty
 surgeries from only age
13
Change preposition
of 13
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, and
also
 girls to make it
for marrying
Change preposition
to marry
show examples
 a rich guy and so on. If things continue to be extreme,
as a result
, it really harms the young generation's mental health, and no one is willing to put the effort into hard work. Of course, to be beautiful is a good wish for everybody, but
beauty
 is not only from the outside
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 it could be from the inner side. A beautiful soul is more attractive and meaningful to a healthy society.
Submitted by kakafeng081 on

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task response
Ensure that you fully address the prompt by discussing the root cause of the behavior and providing reasons and possible results as outlined in the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your ideas in a more logical manner with a clear introduction and conclusion. Use cohesive devices to connect your ideas and support your main points with relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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