Some experts believe it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at the primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Learning a
second
language is, from distance,
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun activity in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
beneficial activity for juveniles in many aspects, whether it is for personal entertainment or to improve curriculum skills.
Nevertheless
, some research shows that the earlier they learn, the better. In the paragraphs below,
this
essay will explain why the upsides of
this
phenomenon outweigh its drawbacks.
To begin
with, undoubtedly, having access to foreign language classes early in life brings many benefits. A study performed by the pedagogy department of the State University of Ceará,
for instance
, has shown that children who had a bilingual education were more likely to have a better performance in other
scholar
Replace the word
scholarly

The word scholar doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
subjects than other students
from
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the same age who had not.
Moreover
, as brain connections in toddlers are still raw, the process of learning in primary school kids is facilitated and faster, occurring more naturally than in older people.
On the other hand
, some people depart from
this
idea, arguing that primary
school aged
Add a hyphen
school-aged

It appears that school aged is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
children are not mature enough to realise the importance of being fluent in another idiom,
hence
, teaching a foreign language must be directed to secondary school kids, as they would assimilate properly.
Conversely
,
this
statement is completely unfounded.
Submitted by alexandretco on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Turn your IELTS writing into band 7+
Get 60% discount and enjoy a quick and easy way to check IELTS Writing Task 1&2!

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays:
Turn your IELTS writing into band 7+
After you write your essay, you will be provided with tips with examples of how to make your essay better in order to get a score above 7.