Some people believe that individuals who earn a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that the individuals who contribute to the society (such as scientists or teachers) are the most successful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers

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The nature of

success

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has always been a point of contention. People argue whether it is determined by financial gains or by giving to the community. To my mind,

success

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should be measured by one’s contribution to the

society

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and long-term effects of our activity. It is easy to see why for some people wealth equals

success

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First

Linking Words

of all,

such

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basic needs as good housing or healthy food cannot be met without money.

Moreover

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, not everywhere

such

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essential governmental services as good healthcare or safety are affordable to everyone, unless you earn more than average wages.

Besides

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, finances give

opportunity

Add an article

the opportunity

an opportunity

show examples

to travel, see other countries and explore other cultures, which is considered by many one of the greatest joys of life. From

this

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point of

view

Add a comma

,view

show examples

success

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equals comfortable and enjoyable life.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, we can regard living in a safe and prosperous

society

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as an integral part of

success

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Such

Linking Words

a community is impossible to build without people who make it better.

For example

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, a scientist who finds a cure for a disease becomes a saviour of many lives and

thus

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can be considered successful. A businessman, who cares not only about personal wealth but

also

Linking Words

about giving to his community, can become a very influential person. The consequences of

such

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actions have long term effects because they touch on more than one individual and can influence whole mankind. To conclude, I disagree that only material criteria determine

success

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. In my opinion well-being of the

society

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should be taken into account when looking at someone’s achievements. With

such

Linking Words

approach

Correct article usage

an approach

show examples

contributing to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

Use synonyms

can become a measure of

success

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Submitted by sunamber3 on Tue Jun 01 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial prosperity
capitalizing
luxury travel
exclusive experiences
contributions to society
humanitarian workers
lasting impact
highly subjective
cultural, societal, and personal values
comfort and security
deeper personal satisfaction
holistic understanding

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Some people believe that individuals who earn a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that the individuals who contribute to the society (such as scientists or teachers) are the most successful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Modern technology is now very common in most workplaces. How do you think has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages of relying to much on technology?

Some people argue that it is the responsibility of the police to educate children about good behavior, whereas others believe that parents should be responsible for children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?