IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To some extent do you agree?

It is argued that the wide range of
advertisements
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 which are made for
children
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 nowadays should be prohibited because of the negative effects which they have on
children
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.
Although
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this
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 opinion seems a restriction of some rights, I believe that
this
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 prohibiting could be beneficial. On the one hand, banning targeted-at-
children
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advertisements
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 limits some
companies
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 and
children
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 rights.
Firstly
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, each company has a right to tell the public about its legal
products
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. If
companies
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 whose
products
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 are for
children
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 like toys or
children
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's cloth do not be able to advertise their goods, it will be hard to market their
products
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, so the
companies
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 may be faced with bankruptcy.
Secondly
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,
children
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 have a human right to receive information from a wide range of sources. In order that they can gain knowledge about the various new
products
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 and innovations in the market through
advertisements
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.
On the other hand
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, if advertisers direct their marketing strategies towards
children
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, it may cause some negative effects on
children
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.
Firstly
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, it influences
children
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's buying decisions.
Children
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 who watch many
advertisements
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 demand more toys or other
products
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.
Children
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 could not be able to identify that
advertisements
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 are marketing messages, so they could not perceive these messages and exaggerations in
advertisements
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,
thus
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,
children
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 believe them as truths and demand to buy those
products
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.
Secondly
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, one of the factors of
children
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's obesity and overweight is advertising. Most of the advertising directed to
children
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 is relevant to food which most of them are unhealthy or junk food.
Therefore
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,
children
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 who are under the influence of these
advertisements
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 tend to buy more unhealthy food which leads to obesity and overweight among
children
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. To sum up, of course, that forbidding
advertisements
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 purposed at
children
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 may be against some rights about
companies
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 and
children
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.
However
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, by prohibiting these
advertisements
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 some negative influences on
children
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 can be prevented.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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