IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

People believe that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that those who contribute to society like scientists, teacher are the most successful. Discuss both and give your opinion?

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teacher
The issue of whether the key to the most successful has been raising a lot of debates. Some might say that the
people
 who devote themselves to society are more successful than others because they have done a lot of things to develop the countries
such
 as finding new medicine, exploring spaces or educating the children.
On the contrary
, others insist on the opinion that
money
 determines the
success
 of the human. Viewing from a general perspective, the essay discusses both viewpoints, I personally agree with the former opinion for the following reasons.
To begin
 with,
money
 is not the rule to measure the
success
 of
people
, the things which they contribute to the countries to make it better are expressly successful.
Firstly
, the inventions from scientists can substantially help inhabitants to research the new creativity that gives them the opportunities to improve their lives
that is
 called
success
.
For example
, finding a new way to control or cure cancer substances is very helpful for saving the life of the human who has to face the dead, so
that is
 an achievement.
Secondly
, the state with the
people
 who are educated to become a kind person and helpful for the nation is the fact of to build
success
. For instances, a teacher whose job has a responsibility to raise and bring up the children to guide them to the positive trend is the most successful because they use their savvy to grow the human and
then
 the one will change the world.
Finally
, the value of
success
 is not how much
money
 they have, but what they have done to help the country's development so that scientists and teachers who spend their life contributing to the nation deserve to be called successful
people
.
On the other hand
, some of the population think that individuals who make a lot of
money
 are most successful because
this
 is the evidence that represents their knowledge and their ability.
However
, cash is not at all, it is just a tool for living and it is not used to measure the
success
 of citizens. In conclusion,
money
 is only material and is not used to determine whether a person is successful or not but the contribution to society shows that.
Submitted by nguyenhoangbaochau870 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: