IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that internet has brought people closer while others believe that people and communities became more isolated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #internet #communities
Advancements in technology have digitally brought us quite close. Especially, the
world
 of social media has virtually minimised the distance between
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
.
However
, some argue that the communities are now more secluded than ever. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 we are going to discuss both views and express why the
internet
 is quite successful in bringing
people
 closer. The period before the
internet
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 seems just like living in old age. The only way of being with each other was actually travelling the distance and going to meet the other person. Whereas, the digital
world
 does not require you to physically go somewhere to meet your loved ones. In just a couple of minutes, one can digitally travel across the
world
 and see their relatives by just touching their screens. Before the digital
world
, even calling with the normal telephone was hideously expensive, almost making it impossible for some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 to just hear the voice of the loved ones. Digitally we may have been the closest we have ever been but at the cost of what? Due to the
internet
,
people
 have let go of meeting each other at all. Everything can be done through the
internet
 making it more feasible for
people
 to just be virtually present for each other. Social interaction has been greatly reduced leaving the communities in seclusion.
For instance
, even when it comes to
work
Change the verb form
working
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people
 do their meetings via the
internet
, which
furhermore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
 reduces the chance of physically meeting each other.
Therefore
, it is not wrong to believe that
people
 have been driven into isolation due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digital media. To conclude, the reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 and communities being in isolation is a doing of their own. Whether you want to physically meet is a personal choice. One can always put in the effort to actually be there for the loved ones. Whereas, digital media have provided a platform to
people
 who are continents apart to be there for the families when required. It is safe to say that owing to the
internet
,
people
 are now much closer to each other.
Submitted by mahrukh_javed on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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