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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that all lawbreakers should be put into prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #lawbreakers #prison #alternatives
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In a day and age, the crime rate
increases
Wrong verb form
has increased
show examples
 considerably compared to the
last
Linking Words
 decade, so
people
Use synonyms
 have different views about
all
Correct word choice
whether all
show examples
 criminals should be sent to jail.
While
Linking Words
 there are good arguments about other measures, I personally believe that it would be significantly better. There are two main reasons why it could be argued that all offenders could receive
prison
Use synonyms
 sentences.
Firstly
Linking Words
, imprisonment is able to exert a deterrent on potential lawbreakers, which results in a considerable drop in the crime rate in society.
Vietnam
Change preposition
In Vietnam
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, where the national authorities
introduce
Wrong verb form
introduced
show examples
 that policy, the percentage of law violators who engage in criminal activities
decreases
Wrong verb form
decreased
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 remarkably, which can be taken as an object lesson.
Besides
Linking Words
, social safety would be improved after sending criminals to
prison
Use synonyms
 because
people
Use synonyms
 who approach serious crimes
such
Linking Words
 as murder or robbery could break peaceful lives. Despite the above arguments, I share the concern with those who believe that other better alternatives are carried out to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem. On the one hand, perpetrators should be sent to rehabilitation programs in order to prevent them from re-offend.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
 should be educated by vocational training, which creates a large window of opportunities for them to study practical skills to come back to society. Particularly, criminals could learn computer skills in reformed
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 that help them to seek jobs and provide sufficient income after
prison
Use synonyms
 release. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 convincing arguments
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
 all lawbreakers should be imprisoned, it seems to me that
people
Use synonyms
 who commit minor crimes
such
Linking Words
 as shoplifting and pickpocketing should be sent to rehabilitation programs and vocational training so as to give them a second chance in life. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that all lawbreakers should be put into
prison
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that there are better alternatives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Submitted by phanvietha77 on

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task response
Make sure to address all parts of the essay prompt. Include a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss both views, and a conclusion giving your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas and use linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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