IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others argue that the circumstances of an individual’s crimes and the motivation for committing it should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both views, give your opinions.

#people #punishment #type #crime #circumstances #individual’s #crimes #motivation #account
In
this
 contemporary world, it is argued that for all types of crime, there should be a fixed judgment,
while
 others believe that the circumstances should be taken into consideration. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both these views and try to draw some conclusions. On the one hand, for all types of crime, one sentence must be imposed. The main reason for
this
 statement is the fact of flexibility for the state.
That is
, it will focus on the same type of punishment, and put criminals in prison as quickly as possible since
this
 will help to preserve the lives of society. And, of course, the law is the same for everyone, and
therefore
, a fixed sentence is vital.
On the other hand
, others say that all facts should be taken into consideration. In my opinion,
such
 politics is more fair. Specifically, if a person stole something, he should not bear the same punishment as the criminal received for premeditated murder.
Moreover
, if someone killed another one in self-defensе,
this
 circumstance should be taken into account, and a more lenient sentence must be given.
Also
, people simply had no choice; they needed money or food (to feed their families,
for instance
). And, of course, if people committed crimes through negligence (without knowing it) they must not be guilty.
For example
, they became victims of a fraudulent scheme and transferred money to them, taking it from ordinary residents.
In other words
, judges must consider all the facts. In conclusion,
while
 fixed punishment is important as it makes the government's work easier, I would
also
 believe that all circumstances should be considered.
Submitted by halilova039 on

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task achievement
Try to expand on your points with more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, provide a concrete case where fixed punishments might be appropriate or inadequate.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words and phrases are important to create a seamless flow. While your essay generally follows a logical structure, improve the use of cohesive devices like 'however,' 'therefore,' and 'furthermore.'
introduction and conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay effectively, giving a good overview of the topic and your approach.
complete response
You presented both sides of the argument, showing an ability to discuss contrasting views. This strengthens your task response.
logical structure
Your essay has a generally clear structure, with separate paragraphs for each viewpoint and a conclusion that sums up your position nicely.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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