Some commentators feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grandchildren , while others say that elderly people should be encourage to live independently. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion.

#commentators #grandparents #children #grandchildren #people #arguments #debate #conclusion

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In the contemporary world,

people

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have different view about grandparent need to spend their time with their sons or daughters and grandchildren based on the

traditional

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traditions

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in many different countries ,

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however

Add a comma

,however

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the others believed that the senior

people

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ought to stay

Change preposition

apply

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independent with themselves in modern life. There are several obvious reasons why

people

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think that staying with extended family is better. To be more precise, the grandparent with old age who have to elaborate attention to guarantee their health. To be more precise, when

people

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getting old which meant that the health may have some problems

such

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as they can get many diseases or accidents.

This

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is due to the fact that their member of the family boosts attention to them in order to avoid the worst circumstances.

Furthermore

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, we have a connection with a parent when we were a childhood until now as well as grandparent spend all life to raise their children.

Therefore

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this

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is a way which shows gratitude to parent from their family.

On the other hand

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, others tend to elder generation to

choose

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tochoose

show examples

live alone that far away with their family. It brings some benefits

such

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as they can explore new things or new experiences when they stay alone without their son or daughter or grandchildren.

For example

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, they are able to travel to new places where they have never been.

In addition

Linking Words

, the elder takes part in some activities, which make some friends. Mental health is enhanced by better emotions as well as physical problems will disappear when they have motivation on a daily basis To sum up, there are some different aspects between both issues. In my opinion, I am in favour of the traditional style to keep the elder generation with their extended family due to the fact that

this

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is a way that we can protect our family.

Submitted by caomyphuong3004 on Wed Jun 02 2021

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

310 words

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Some commentators feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grandchildren , while others say that elderly people should be encourage to live independently. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion.

The internet has greatly increased our access to information. To what extent do you think this is a good thing? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experienc

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Differing amount of nitrogen oxide by four types of vehicles.

In a public-funded healthcare system, people who are willing to pay for the best and fast treatment should be able to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Museums and art gallaries should concentrate on works that show histroy and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world. To what extent to do you agree or disagree?