IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health. Others believe that the Government should make sure that their citizens are healthy. Discuss both views.

#people #responsibility #individuals #care #health #government #citizens
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Health
 is a major factor
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of a human. Some believe that taking
care
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
 is their own
responsibility
 while others highlight that government should involve in
this
 matter.
This
 essay will discuss
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both views
in contrast
. As an individual taking
care
 of the
health
 is our own
responsibility
 because we have to take
actions
 to improve our
health
. In fact, control what we eat and changing
lifestyle
Correct pronoun usage
our lifestyle
show examples
 all depends on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual
actions
. As an example, to reduce or control the current weight a person needs to change their lifestyle choices by eating healthy or doing workouts. Even though, there are many programs and plans
illustrate
Correct pronoun usage
that illustrate
show examples
 how to be healthy,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end it is that
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
show examples
actions
 make it possible. Meanwhile, governments
also
 have a
responsibility
 to look after the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of their citizens. While it is the individual’s
responsibility
 to take
care
 of their own
health
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 have to make arrangements and develop the necessary background to motivate people towards the goal. As an example, building gyms and jogging paths will encourage society to use them in their workout activities.
Furthermore
, reducing prices of the medicines and giving free
health
care
also
 will help them towards their wellbeing. In conclusion,
although
 being healthy is solely depend on that person’s
actions
, governments
also
 responsible to encourage and helping their citizens to be healthy by providing free healthcare and underling support regardless of their financial status
,
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apply
show examples
 so that they
are encourage
Change the verb form
are encouraged
show examples
 to use them in their efforts to be healthy.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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