IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other at work, at school and in daily life. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

There is a common belief that cooperation should be endorsed
instead
Linking Words
 of competition, both in daily and professional settings. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, and I believe that people working together
yields
Correct subject-verb agreement
yield
show examples
 better results compared to them working against each other. When a community binds together to work on a common goal, it leads to better productivity. By having multiple groups or individuals cooperating, more tasks can be performed simultaneously,
thus
Linking Words
 leading to increased efficiency and output.
For example
Linking Words
, when writing a research paper, it is much easier to put out a good article if each person handles a different task
instead
Linking Words
 of them all writing a first draft and picking the best version.
Secondly
Linking Words
, collaborative projects can lead to team building in a working setting and can even help members of a family get along better. When humans operate together, they are forced to interact more with crowds they might not be as familiar with, which leads to more meaningful bonds being created between them. A prime
occurence
Correct your spelling
occurrence
 of
this
Linking Words
 in daily life
it
Verb problem
is
show examples
 the concept of house chores. Certain siblings do not get along
as well as
Linking Words
 others, but by carrying out mundane house tasks together, they spend more time with their sibling, which
further
Linking Words
 enriches their relationship.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, competition causes communities to work against one another, which halts progress and leads to unnecessary animosity. Whenever humans are pitted against each other, they are naturally inclined to dislike the groups they are set against, and usually try to slow down their
competitors
Check wording
competitors'
show examples
 progress.
This
Linking Words
 is seen very often in the world of
pharmaceutical
Correct article usage
the pharmaceutical
show examples
 business. In
this
Linking Words
 field,
instead
Linking Words
 of cooperating to better the health of the population, companies choose not to share their research with other corporations. Through marketing, they
procede
Correct your spelling
proceed
 to berate their competitors, which
then
Linking Words
 makes collaboration even less likely. By not sharing resources and bad mouthing each other, we only make advancements take longer than they should. In conclusion, I strongly endorse that we help one another in place of competing against each other. I think there is more to be gained from
combined
Correct article usage
the combined
show examples
 efforts of various bodies, not only in familial and personal situations, but
also
Linking Words
 in corporate settings.

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task response
For task response: Your answer is clear, but you can explain your side a bit more. Try to show why cooperation is better in all three areas: work, school, and daily life.
task response
For task response: Your examples are good, but one school example would make your answer more full and strong.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. To make it better, use linking words more carefully and make some ideas shorter and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are long and a little hard to read. Break them into two parts to help the reader move through your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Check small word mistakes like 'it' instead of 'is' and spelling errors, because they can slow the reader down.
task response
For task response: You clearly give your opinion from the start and keep the same view through the essay.
task response
For task response: You use real and relevant examples, like research paper writing, house chores, and drug companies.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Your essay is well organized into clear paragraphs with a good introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Each body paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader understand your points.
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