IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

We can see more disasters and violence show on TV What are its cause and what effects will they exert on the individual and the society

#disasters #violence #show #tv #effects #society
it is certainly true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 nowadays more disasters and violence is showing on the screen in the form of reality shows and even in entertainment events as well.
Firstly
, these kind of shows are not good
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and potentially impacting on the youth mindsets with the negative thought process of their thinking. ,
Also
 most of the young generations are killing their valuable time in front of TV shows without gaining any knowledge and sometimes kids and middle generations are getting motivated by these shows,
hence
 it is spreading like anything between one state to another state some times is
also
 going globally.
Secondly
, the current substantiation technologies and availability of social media platforms are
also
 influencing the youth towards these kinds of
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 shows. on
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 ,hand rapid changes in cultural diversification factors are
also
 adding more to
this
 from domestic and internationally too,
however
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 growth and most recent changes in telecommunication system
also
 enabling most
them
Change preposition
of them
show examples
 to learn and do the same by watching that kind of shows on the screen. As youth is getting more influenced by these shows, eventually they are not putting efforts in their academics and sometimes discounting from universities too,
hence
 they will end up with unemployment in the globally competitive world and they may need to go for daily wage jobs even after gaining the master degree. well to recapitulate in my opinion disasters and violent shows are will not create a good environment
between
Change preposition
for
show examples
 human lives and we should not encourage
this
 kind of shows anywhere.One must utilize the TV shows in the right way of having fun and relax during the free time but should not get addicted and deeply involved in these programs.
Submitted by tejakondapalli88 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: