Some people think that it is more important to plant trees in more open areas of towns and cities than to build more housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Indubitably,
plants
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are essential for our atmosphere to produce oxygen. Is it more crucial to plant a large number of
trees
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in big urban areas or towns? Considering the pollution-free environment
among
Correct your spelling
along
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with
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
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beauty of different places and provide shadow for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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street vendors in summer, I find the above argument to be true. In
this
Linking Words
contemporary era, every individual wants an artificial cooling system in their
homes
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home
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,
such
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as
Air
Correct article usage
an Air
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conditioners
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conditioner
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. Global warming is increasing day by day;
therefore
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, the temperature rises every day. If more housing is allowed in the
city
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,
this
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practice will
put
Verb problem
have
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a detrimental effect on our environment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, growing more
trees
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and
plants
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in the metropolis will provide fresh air to the
city
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dwellers and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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to keep the area pollution-free.
Consequently
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, health problems will
reduce
Wrong verb form
be reduced
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, especially
in
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among
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senior citizens. A survey revealed that, in
last
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the decade, the death rate decreased by 20% in Mexico
due to
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the planting of more
trees
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and
plants
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.
Besides
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less pollution,
this
Linking Words
practice can make the
city
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more attractive. The reason behind
this
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is
by
Change preposition
that
show examples
planting a myriad number of
trees
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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societies can make the place more attractive by natural beauty, thereby; people can lure the
city
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more and
can
Verb problem
apply
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feel the tranquillity of the atmosphere.
Additionally
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, families can spend quality time and do a lot of exercise
due to
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the greenery.
Moreover
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, it provides
shadow
Correct article usage
a shadow
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to the street vendors or beggars in the hot season. Since vendors
roaming
Wrong verb form
roam
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around the
city
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during noontime, they can take a rest under
trees
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. My friend,
for instance
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, is doing a job in marketing. He told me that it would be easy for him to roam around the
city
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because of the shadow of more
trees
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.
To conclude
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, better atmosphere for citizens
besides
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luring
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city
Correct article usage
the city
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and suitable shelter for the
vendor
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vendors
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, I am strongly convinced that
role
Correct article usage
the role
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of
trees
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and
plants
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is more as compared to more houses.

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task achievement
Although your introduction sets the context, consider making your stance clearer by rephrasing the thesis statement to more explicitly outline your agreement or disagreement with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is structured well, but some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that indicate the main idea of each paragraph. This would improve overall coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs with more linking words and phrases. This will guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples and explanations that support your main points, particularly regarding health benefits and the attractiveness of green spaces in cities.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and restates your position, which provides a clear closing to your essay.
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