IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Because of the busy pace of modern life ,many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world. How important is it for children to learn to understand and appreciate nature? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#pace #life #children #time #indoors #exposure #world #nature
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
. Recently, we live in an age where many youngsters are denied the opportunity of knowing about their
environment
 due to d effect of civilization ( modern life and new technology)/
Although
 when
children
 are
stucked
Correct your spelling
stuck
tucked
 inside their home it has a positive effect on them.
However
,
Children
 who are given the privilege to be exposed to their natural world are able to understand
culture
 and tradition.
Also
,it helps them to have increased knowledge and develop
interest
Add an article
an interest
show examples
 in the profession they desire to study.
Firstly
,
culture
Add an article
a culture
the culture
show examples
 which is defined as the art,custom ,habit of a particular society is being known by the
children
 when they are chanced to relate with the
environment
. Youngsters who relate with the
environment
 will understand
certain
Add an article
the certain
show examples
culture
 ( especially about greeting of elders, communicating with people among many others)
For instance
, only
children
 who relate with the elders in the society are aware of the appropriate ways of greeting the older ones.
Also
,young folks that having enough access to the natural
environment
 tends to be versatile than their age mates which are not given
this
 chance.Research has
showed
Change the verb form
shown
show examples
 it that when
children
 are exposed to the
environment
, it builds their interest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 what profession to choosing in future.
For instance
, a known scholar in
geology
Correct article usage
the geology
show examples
 department
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 of life said he was motivated to study geology since his primary school days
as a result
 of the excursion he visited in idanre hill.
On the other hand
,a paediatrician once opined that "
children
 who spend most of their days inside the house are more focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their academics when compared to their mates who do not belong to
this
 category".
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
,spending most
times
Change preposition
of times
show examples
 at home allows the
children
 to have enough time to themselves. In conclusion, it is imperative to know that allowing
children
 to be exposed to the natural world has a positive influence on them which include understanding
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
culture
 and tradition.
Also
,it helps them to
decides
Change the verb
decide
show examples
 on what career to choose in life.
Submitted by Abiodun on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: